Thursday, January 16, 2014

Who is this girl?

The first one that shows up in the video - the red top and shiny pants.
The face is insanely familiar....
I'm not much of a nollywood person,
And my Naija trip is all caught up in blurred lines.
But i could have sworn i know that face....
Any takers?


P.S...I pulled this out today, because i am determined to perfect those dance moves!

Only problem is, at the last party, i was all up doing yahoozee, until i quickly noticed that is clearly yesterday's dance moves!

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Life will be beautiful still / Stars fell on Alabama


If you were to ever stumble and fall off a mountain's edge,
don't forget to enjoy the view.
And remind yourself that somewhere in the horizon, a toddler's laughter fills the air
at the wonder of his new pup lapping warm milk out of a bowl
And the dribbles from its whiskers will remind someone of golden summer mornings,
of sucking sweet nectar juice out of a flower's lazy stems...

If stars were ever to fall all over Alabama,
don't ask Ella why.
Just pull aside the blinds, and let the morning chase away your blues.
Fight for life, yes, if you must - with your tools of trade and a prayer close to your lips
Only remember that whatever tomorrow brings, life will be beautiful still.
So don't forget to enjoy the view.

*No disaster will come near your dwelling place*
Sent from my Samsung Galaxy S4

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

2014: I cannot recall the original post title

There you go,  I give up!



I have tried and tried to get rid of this blog, but clearly that is not happening anytime soon. This page is like a relentless rabid dog created without purpose, on a random idle monday afternoon, and which has now been stuck to my posterior since then. How does a stupid blog become a dogged unyielding part of you?

I have created a hundred pseudo personalities online in a bid to start afresh on a more dignified note - become something of a respectable Myne Whitman, but every effort has fallen flat with little motivation. Just imagine....what if Toinlicious, afronuts, musco D, Kiah, caramelD, verastic, naijalines, honeydame, SisiYemmie, and all the other blogs you have grown to know and love were only all just me - the many amazing faces of yours truly, shape-shifting. #T.Note conspiracy theory.2014.

Anyway, finally acknowledging the futility of my efforts, and also in response to Atilola, Janyl.B, and every post and email convicting me of joining that elite club of absentee bloggers :), i hereby commit my quota of renewed zealousness to my haphazard blogging roots - i.e, to that lofty clarion call of resuscitating good ole blogsville.

Besides, i have received sign-off from a certain important someone, to go ye into all the world and blog blog blog.

Happy 2014....

I expect you've all had smashing holidays, but i don't expect any of your holidays was as impressive as mine. Modesty is yet to be my strong point. But anyways, wait for it.......I was in Lagos for Christmas, after years of being away! Even though in my mind it's always only felt like yesterday...that blue eyed novice BA passenger on a quest to acquire a prestigious masters degree and conquer wall street. Boy, how time flies.

So this Christmas,  i hopped on an overcrowded emirates flight and anxiously joined the merry league of 'returnees for the holidays'. Even i was laughing at the irony of it all. I have always considered myself 100% pure blood -gidi... but I have to say,  It's funny how a couple of years can change your perspective on things...but that is a different discuss altogther. My mission was simple - Eko for show, and i was going to milk out every oink of good times in two weeks! Besides Chi-town has been acting all kinds of stupid these past weeks.


So, as far as my holiday was concerned,
  • Gidi was MAD FUN!!!!!
  • Gidi is mad expensive!!!!---£££ gone with the wind in a few days! Everything is thousand thousand Naira!
  • Obalende looks great!!!Thumbs up Fashola!
  • Partied at the beach till midnight - free good music, no swanky club entry ticket!
  • There's a funky rooftop bar in shoprite ikeja - the music was banging!
  • Phone calls are much cheaper now!
  • DSTV is boring.... overrated at best.
  • I used up three doses of malaria meds in two weeks. Mosquitoe wan kill me finish.
  • Saw #The Closer Play at Oriental Hotel - I was not impressed. The Closer is a white play, the emotions were exagerrated to try to suit a nigerian audience. On top VIP ticket.
  • GTBank customer service needs an overhaul.
  • Park your phonetics at the airport, everybody is on a phonetics level in lagos now.
  • And yes, Park, baby pullover! Show me your particulars, baby pullover!!!!Hahaha!!!!And i know the dance moves too! I know the dance moves!
  • All my stock investments in NSE have reduced to peanuts!
  • And somebody please explain to me how stock registrars move addresses all around town without communicating to investors?!
  • Overall, I think the trick with Lagos is to keep your expectations to a manageble minimum. You are not in New York, or London, so get with the programme. 
  • But ermmmm, Lagos traffic....
All that said, and moving on to serious business, i.e new year blogger resolutions: 
 
  • I will unfortunately be shutting down my favourite pseudo blogs at sisiyemmie.com, verastic.com, and mynewhitmanwrites.com.
  • I will now be accepting proposals to monetise this blog and henceforth invite you all to read about bikini wax creams and the nasal sprays.
  • Watch out for my twitter account, where I will begin my political aspirations starting with 5000 followers in 3days and thereafter, one of those future award in 2014. I have learnt that all things all now possible, thanks to social media.
  • I will also be feeding you regular celebrity gist for all your faithful fans of maheeda and etc...


Yes, 2014 feels good...so just like with the good ole days....
 
Welcome to my T.Notes!

Excuse any errors and un-fine sounding words, i have sleep-walked my way through this one.

T.Note 01.14: Every good thing takes time, breathe easy.

Monday, December 9, 2013

about a boy...

There once was a boy who loved to talk to strangers...

Monday, November 25, 2013

While you were sleeping...

You will wake, to the sounds of quickly rustling sheets
And dreamlike whispers that appear to emanate from lifeless tassels of brand new linen
Mangled into the urgent confusion that is quickly taking over your mind.

The curious breeze against your bare essentials
As you grope the darkness for what is left of your modesty
The old time friend you had kindly offered to share your bed, will be nowhere to find.

There are words we dare not speak, lest we give life to our mortal fears.
But heaven forbid that the sheets speak the truth
...then karma will be like a Birch tree
Savagely reduced into these jagged spears, that now stoke in smoldering embers, waiting for you...dear friend.

What the sheets told. .. her.

Friday, November 15, 2013

My one minute elevator madness moments, and being average.

I often consider myself to be a reasonably civil 'white-collared slave' in my starched shirt and professional 'poker face', until fate finds me in a lone elevator with my earphones plugged in, then all hell breaks loose.

Today it was 'black magic' crooning 'confam' with 'sasha p.' and it was friday morning after a long tiring week. My fumbled and ghastly laughable etighi moves took over.  This is my shameless confession - I loose all semblance of decorum and dance etighi like no man's business when I'm alone in an elevator.  It's like an evil spirit from 'Banky W' takes over my body.

I got caught out today. You know how it is when your song starts on the radio and you go "shoooo, that's my song!!!" and promptly, i leaned my neck forward like a starved turkey, stuck my butt out like a deranged fool and cracked one unconscious etighi side-step before quickly remembering that I wasn't alone in the elevator.

Two starched-faced white folks looked briefly at me, and for the life of me, I couldn't come up with a witty comeback fast enough.  To confirm my theory that my actions are manifestations of an evil spirit from my village, I returned a stupid cheeky smile that could only have looked like osufia's and hurried out at the next exit.

Someone asked me today how I often appear to be collected and in control (in other words, 'like a boss'. He didn't add that last bit, but it's good therapy to often massage your own ego). I thought to myself, 'you should see what I do in the elevator'.

I believe that one thing nigerians do best, is to not allow anybody make us feel inferior.  And i sort-of don't think this is another ego trip, because I've been told same by a few other african folks. It appears that a common opinion is that nigerians generally have an exaggerated / unnecessarily high opinions of ouselves.  Even for all the bad press that is hardly anyhing to be proud of.
I think that my many years of telling unruly danfo drivers to 'go and hug  transformer' has served me in good stead to generally not give a f&$....even when the truth is that, irrespective of my best poker face, all I often feel like is, plain and average- a crazed wanna-be professional who dances etighi when no-one is looking.

But if a two minute elevator madness moment continues to give me the pump to get through each day in this high stake craziness I have signed myself into, then ain't nothing wrong with that and God bless Banky, and Black Magic and Sasha P.

Everything confam.  Etighi etighi etighi...


Thursday, October 10, 2013

Blog anonymously...Yes! Yes! Yes!




We often get caught up in fads and loose track of the reason for our initial standpoint. In this regard, everybody is becoming a celebrity blogger, so my insatiable need to be recognised is gnawing at my crotch, so i'm going to join the bandwagon aye?



Start/maintain an anonymous blog? My opinion to that is aye, aye! The world is too much of a noisy stomping ground not to allow your mind the simple, beautiful indulgence of being able to monentarily roam free without the constraints of identification. So for those of that falter in opinion, here are my few cents.

When i come to this place, i imagine myself on a holiday...a lone cottage on a hill side. My mind is like a restless dog on a leash, but what freedom once we step into those wide open fields and i let her rip. She'd scamper off like a mad hatter through the wilds..sniffing from one blog to the other, in search of gold, of truth, of mutual identification. (Admittedly often these days all i return with is boring trifling, but you get the picture.) You and your thoughts....heck you need that, how can you not have that single moment in time?! Every sensible person needs that respite.

I like to think that anonymous blogging is an artform, like Banksy or Lagbaja. And the beauty of the genre is in the unapologetic honesty. I have heard the alternative argument saying, 'whatever i cannot say to someone's face, i don't say it'. But we know that is a stark lie. Nobody is that brazen. We all save face for whatever the motive, hence 100% honesty in expression is non-existent. Life is just not that simple. We don't tell our bosses our true intentions. We shut the door when we take a shit. We don't tell the vicar that yesterday's sermon was boring as hell. The human being is naturally bound by the need to maintain a sense of respectability, and esteem, so we collect our scripts and play the lines of who we are expected to be, well until someone invented the mask.

Ooh the Mask.....mid 16th century: from French masque, from Italian maschera, mascara, probably from medieval Latin masca 'witch, spectre', but influenced by Arabic masḵara 'buffoon' - wiki.

Give me an unrecognized anonymous blog over a thousand psychophant followers to play the gallery to. Do you see my point? A small church is great and will meet your spiritual needs until it starts to expand and you find that the pastor's opinions start to get watered down and censored to suit the differing opinions of audience. Maybe its just me, but my idea of a blog is like allowing a stranger to sneak into your private space to read the pages of your life. And it becomes a give and take sort of relationship - almost noble in intent, because in the end every person finds recognition in one blog space or the other. You see, chances are that if you flipped through the pages of twenty anonymous-honest-to-goodness blogs, you are likely to find one person who picks his nose in the same manner that you do. Then suddenly picking your nose like an ogre becomes perfectly normal, and your deed to humanity is done.

Fault lines... divisive issue or difference of opinion that is likely to have serious consequences. There are fault lines...and ever so real, they are.

I think that the danger of anonymous blogging is the tempt to loose yourself in the freedom of not having an identity. And it works in two ways, the first of which is that you join the bandwagon of foolishness that the internet world has become. I.e, selling your foolish opinion for free and thereby contributing to the world stock on unbridled stupidity in opinion and integrity. The second is that in your quest to have an opinion, you become the daft opinion that you are marketing to own, so none is any wiser for the trade.

But the good thing about blogging, is that it easily weeds out senseless people, and i mean that literally. Blogging/writing takes effort, that is why you would be hard to find an unintelligent person who has blogged consistently for a time. Hence, the kind of errors/sins one is prone to is bolstered by the corrals of reason / common sense. It is useful to have faith in these matters, because admittedly grace keeps one in that regard. But would you, for the error of triffling in an instance forgoe the benefit gained by solitude. I thought about it and the benefit seemed to outweigh the error--in my own opinion, at least. But i dare say, if you must fall, then fall you will and you must, so stagger and carry on. I say we get better for every step we falter on.

I have grown in this place. I have understood my very essense in this place, such that today my opinions are grounded on the solid foundation of me, who i am and who i am meant to be. Nobody has an opinion these days. People just retweet bullshit without thinking. I love Davido; Beyonce is so amazing, so imma twerk like this and bobb my head like that, but you don't know crap about any of these people. What do you kow about yourself in the first instance?!


Like i said, my opinions are mine opinions, and these are mine. Find yours. It does make them foolish or in any way correct. There are no black or white in these matters, except that the opinions belonged to you or not. I have erred on every side of the sins of anonymous blogging -.............
 because admittedly, it isn't only about the simple words on the pages, the complete stories are i what happens after the posts have been published and digested by the few.......... -but here is a code of conduct which i recently concluded made a whole lot of sense: As far as blogging goes, i think that there is beauty and art in the original artform, i.e without disclosure. But to each his own, every stock of trade has its place of appreciation. So write what you will, and how you will, bearing in mind the sobering truth that if heaven and judgement is real like they say, then even blog line might just as well contribute to the spoken words to which we each must account for.


This is a quick scribbled response after reading Nutty-J's musing...one of the few good ones left.
So excuse any errors...and blah blah blah...i'll likely return to edit later.

But, blog anonymously, yes yes yes, and let the world see how beautiful your unbridled mind is!

Mazel tov folks.