Friday, July 24, 2020

T.Notes#54: Taming the Shrew

When something goes wrong,
My default response is to throw a tantrum,
blame God and make rash decisions.
I am working at it.
I want to be like Obama
Unfrazzled, calculated and smooth.
But my blood pressure is like a reckless danfo driver.

A Nigerian military regiment
invaded the Newyork stock exchange.
They marched to my desk wielding big guns,
gave a smart salute and announced to the surprise of all my collegues,
That my father, the president had sent a chopper to get me home urgently.
Aye, put a respect on my name!
All hail the chief!
Daydreams.

I expect God to be my commando warrior
To keep all these madness far from me
Bless me only with beach holidays and margaritas.
Is that even a biblical doctrine?
Instead it seems like heaven is on a long holiday.
Sending me postcards from the Bahamas
Talking about learning to trust in God
Whilst the world and my mind is gone bonkers.

When i finally became a man
I realised how lonely the masculine experience actually is.
It is not good for man to be alone
In his mind or space.
The problem is, men don't talk.
We work, worry, grunt, drink beer and play with adult toys.
Anything to escape that five minutes of painful introspection.
So we trade precious time for five minutes of wonder.
I think men need God more than we realise.

Do you remember that quiet night,
You noticed the neighbour's curtains slightly open.
Curious, you turned off your own lights,
Peered closer and discovered wonder.
This is how i feel about a good blog.
A gentle unrestrained access into an untamed mind.
I need a good blog
One that does not indulge me.

I love when you surrender your mind to a diary
Like a child discovering watercolor in a kindergarteen art class.
And then you become the audience
of your own wild thoughts.
Like lighting a blunt on a lazy saturday,
Fireflies playing on the radio,
And a local girl weaving your afro into bantu knots.

This post is about learning to find quiet.
There is a charming restaurant in the Philippines
It is called "Van Gogh is bipolar'
It welcomes clients to celebrate their imperfections, embrace their flaws,
And light a path to discovering wholeness.
I still haven't found what i'm looking for.
I'm still searching.
I will be found by You.

These ideas are like tiny birds flutterring above my head.
Ignored till they become like pesky badgering woodpeckers.
The penny finally dropped.
I think too much.
I analyse everything,
I worry excessively.
Someone said I simply need to turn off my brain sometimes.
Be still my soul.
But first, let me worry about what i'd do with the silence.

I spent last night memorising famous shakesphere quotes, listening to @BessObarotimi,
And analysing stock market activity
All so i appear wildly intelligent for a client engagement in the morning.
You have brought me to this place
So i look up to you to sustain me
I trust you to sustain me
You lift my head.
My scraggly bantu braided knotty head.

This post is about writing postcards to Jesus
I have a few concerns.
A widowed mother with a failing health,
Mortgages in an economic recession,
Playing russian roulette with a raging pandemic,
And heavy obligations of career decisions.
It is difficult not to worry.
it is tough trying to be like Obama.

These are my T.Notes.

Wednesday, July 8, 2020

T.Notes#53: Till i see you

My name is T.Notes
I still like good old fashioned
Anonymous blogs
And the quirky people
You meet through them.

I have a reckless obsession
For fine words
Delicately pieced together
To exhibit the wonder of a naked soul.
Can i walk with you.

To those of us who journey
I hope that you find a place of rest
In your wild places.
Away from the unfaithful mob of your own self and life's treachery.
A respite from the tyranny of our wandering minds.
Do you also find beauty in Jeremiah nine?

Sometimes a simple word
Gathers itself gently off the pages of the bible,
Creeps into my soul,
Finds home in an unattended hollow space,
And starts to bud.🌹
Don't leave me.

Some people remind you
In a summery holiday sort of way
That boys still like girls
And girls still fancy boys
In an uncomplicated sort of way
Like velvet chocolates and cocoabutterskin.
This too, is fine.

Somedays there is this deep sense of utter nothingness
It is irrespective of my devotion.
So i steady my heart
Into the refrain of old untiring songs
You are too good to me, Audrey Assad

The control freak in me find it utterly frustrating
That you simply cannot predict life
Some days will knock you off your carefully laid out plans.
In the end we must all bow to acknowledge something...or someone...
Pause.

Mama said good girls don't twerk
And good boys do away with
A pornographic worldview.
Ode to those of us who journey
Breaking sweat and nails to ascent into a dreamy City on a hill

I guess what i'm trying to say is
I'm not sure how you can ache for something
That you don't fully understand
Or hope for a redemption that you cannot see.
But here we are, waiting till i see You.