Monday, January 31, 2011

The Quiet....

The results ahead,
The Job,
The Bills,
The white folks pissing me off,
The family stress,
The worries,
The fears,
The worthlessness,
The nothingness,
.....I don't even have the strength the lament.....

You know somedays you just tire of strength to even "hope".
But it will work out, won't it...somehow....???

The thing about a man is,you just cannot let them see how you are toottering under the weigth of it all.

And the thing about this man is, nonetheless, you still gotta take it all, and keep "fixing it". You know,bullshit happens,and they bring it to you to "fix it" and make it right..and even when you are a literal mess, you still...gotta do what you have to do...somehow.

Oh,my baby gets back tomorrow. Slim,black,supple skin,i've missed her die, can't wait to get my hands all over her locked up in the cozyness of flat 86,just me and her for hours,exploring every crevice of her wanton body...oh Toshiba T135,come back home.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

If you can guess the movie...

Paul Chambers plays a mellow score at the background.

He says: Yes...I live live in...Everybody in the world knows who you are; my mother has troubles remembering my name.

She says: Fine...Fine...Good decision...Good decision.

She adds: The fame thing really isn't real you know. Don't forget, i'm also just a girl, standing infront of a boy..asking him to love her.

She reaches over to plant a pleasant kiss on his cheek, notions at the gift, then exits the store.

Gosh,can't wait to be done with this M.Sc, and so help me god people,if i dare mention that i'm having any thoughts of a p.hd or the like,somebody pls CALL ME BACK TO MY SENSES URGENTLY! After this,i'm so done proving points to anybody!

*Honestly...The preferred next course of learning is an M.A in creative writing, and i have no idea yet how i'll fund that! Ever feel like you need to pay attention for once to your subtle heart's know give your dreams a chance and see if just maybe that will calm your restless wandering discontents??That's the plan oooo!!!Relish the thought: Just abandon career books aside for a period and actually give the pen a chance. I would so love that! I'd slotted it into my 2011 goals,and without a doubt,i will update once i kick that off!

Oh,n back to the movie! The 1st winner gets a .....

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Friday, January 7, 2011

....and a "date" with a blogger

Oh,and i met a certain female blogger in London. She wore black skin tights and a cream jacket.

After a gazillion text messages of 'where are you now?' and 'No,i didnt say stratford station!',we did chinese at the O2, saw a movie, the pub guy flirted a little with her, and at the end of the night she gave me a goodnight hug (comments reserved).Infact, my comments on the whole night's episodes is reserved...

P.S...i was at the eye hospital yesterday. They said i've been spending too much time on computers!Even too much blogging can be bad for you!

When FB becomes war territory! (NobleIgwe vs Penny)

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Thursday, January 6, 2011

The man who dared God. (Tales from the dead)

The place where heroes wings refuse to fly.

The words therein are a compilement of some hardly lived out experiences in the past few months; the depth of questioning of which many might not find comfortable, heck even i did not find me comfortable. If at the end you observe that i have disabled comments, then bear with me, i guess i already concluded on the matter by myself.

If i am to pen any introduction at all before jumping in, it would be this: ...until finally one morning, a deafening scream jerked me out of my sleep. My heart was pulsating fast; indeed i knew my heart was where the agonized cry originated from. I looked inward and i saw my soul bawled over like a weak child...she couldn’t take it anymore, she was desperately in need...of You again.

...Lend me your god.

Last nights i dreamt that i kissed the lips of blackness, plunging into the depth of deep dark oceans, meeting my worst fears face to face, and you know the dreams were not mere imaginations. Many are the voices that have spoken these past months and i hate the fact that you have let them wander freely unhindered through my mind. Voices that have ravaged and torn down every fabric of faithful conviction that we have spent lives of years building. Voices that have not sprung up without motive or notice; i know that they have been long coming, creeping and biding a time to eclipse my being. I hate that you sit there and allow this all to happen. I hate that you would not just show your face and calm my mind, but i guess, and yes realize that they will come to the best, even worst of us. Thoughts of pious righteousness becoming worse than filthy rags that i have stepped over in my confused search for something that yesterday i would have sworn was never missing. Many are the lips that have quietened me from speaking these foolish blasphemy, but you know that i would rather take this to the very limit. You know that i would not stop until i reach the last word, arrive at the last truth, the reason for which i would...or even should, believe you.

I have sat at the feet of many in these past months, and you have watched me without saying a word. I have listened to the sermons of atheists, tearing down any insensible reason why i should wait or hope for you. Why I should give a heart to a deity who kills, allows pain and remains quiet through my questions of why. I have watched the best of us surrender it all down in utter confusion. Yet i have pressed further even without understanding, if even he could not understand it anymore, why should i? Ooh these, you know are not the words of a child, instead of one who has stayed managed to stay close through ages and pain. If i would choose to question today, i only thought it would be fair for you to give me answers on time...before i went too far. Before i kissed these lips. Why should he die....even after all? Why should i struggle, if he would give up the struggle after more years? Why should i love you? What makes you different from the myriad of philosophies that abound? I know i have often made you flinch in these past days with my regardless utterances and pondering. But if you would see use of me, you know that my mind today would not rest until i can lay hold a coherent reason in my hands...of why i should die for you.

And the words from that diary went on and on....dark days

Fast forward to today....
One reason why i believe in you is:

Through the night my soul longs for you.
Deep from within me my spirit reaches out to you.
Because i find that my soul needs, longs for that anchor that only you could...would...give. I.26