Sunday, July 24, 2011

Letters to future me

Dear me...This is for that day you will wake up at 40 and wonder why i brought us to this place...(well if we didn't hit the delete on this blog somewhere along the way).

Sometime towards the end of our M.Sc programme,life happened, and i was brought to a cross road, faced with a decision to continue down a certain road,or change direction. This was the place (for most parts) that brought us to where we stand today. And standing i did,dear me. (If indeed Heaven gave me the grace to stand)

For some reason,i think back to the childhood story of PeterPan and his fascination with Never land...Incase,you have forgotten,something happened to us long time back,where we fought hard till we almost bleed to death...we fought for an idea,a suppossed ideal,and we came out with the goal. That is fine. Battles make you stronger,and they sure did. But like PeterPan,when something traumatises your whole being,you tend to subsequently lock it away in a far closet and choose to forget,wanting to be child forever along with the part of you that survived the wars....That is why i have always laughed the loudest,because i treasure the simplicity of predictable everyday joys and quietness.

But somewhere towards the tail end of Business School,those old doors got jarred open again and i remembered the reality of what it means to go to war. But you know,when you grow older, if you ever have to fight again,you pick your fights. You are no longer fighting for an ideal or a vague have now understood life better,so you know what idea makes sense and what doesn't...but still dear me,there is the bit of justice and principles that may constrain you. It is on the basis of this, that i am forced to stand up, forget Never land, and be a man once again...even though scarred as hell. But should i have run away dear me - because i was afraid?...Wouldn't you have mocked me as a fool? But what if being a fool brought you quieter days at 40? Do you see the tyranny of just never ever know. You only do your best, i did my best i swear i did.

I am not sure what choice i will make right now,but i know it will radically determine the course of our days,- heck more your days than mine! You wonder why i am so cynical and irrational,may this little piece answer your questions. The apostle Paul once quoted saying...'even if my life is being poured out as a drink offering..'Those are the words of a man who knew the implications of his decisions before he made them,yet he made them still...that is where i stand today dear me.. I know what this might lead to,yet i might continue...

I really hope your life turned out more beautiful than mine. I hope i did not put you in a place of regret and turmoil...I hope i made the right choice, and even for all the stress you might have to endure, that your days are still laced with plenty silver linnings- the fruit of the ideal that i choose to believe in. Dear me...there aren't alot from which you can base your decisions in life. There is God, principles, and the rest is just flakes from which you hope luck plays you a good card. I've found that God many atimes goes quiet when you have to make a choice..because choice is a gift He's given to us and will not take back. He gives you an idea and waits for you to decide. The best one can do maybe,is to take that idea,and mix with the best intentions-in justice and faith, then let life churn the rest out....Nobody can make a choice for you,nobody i take unflinching responsibility.

You know all i am talking about...heck i wish it just turned out that i was being over dramatic here - if wishes were horses,i'd sure as hell ride out of here right now. And that's the crux of the whole matter, to ride this horse, or get off whilst i still can...that was the choice as the doors the NeverLand got closed forever. Behold i set before you this day, Life and Death, choose...what?


  1. Wow! Choices are hard and atimes regretable. When you make the negative one, you regret it in the coming future. But we have to believe, that things just happen the way they were initially meant to be. May be your older you would understand what I mean when he gets up someday and decide to read this. By the way, you kept me reading on an on, like one of those movie episodes you just can't get enough. Have a nice day!

  2. Be clear about your goal but be flexible about the process of achieving it. ~ Brian Tracy.

    Choices are never easy make, but always believe first in your heart that the choice is the right now.

    Don't delete this blog, please.

  3. This is probably the most sincere post i've read up in here.
    We all have fears but can decide to face them and overcome or forever wish we did...
    I suspect you know wot choices to make and stick with, you're just scared of the unknown.
    Remember that in the end, its better to fall and rise again than not to have gotten up at all.

  4. I hope that whatever decision you make, brings you peace at 40!! an insightful read -gave me something to think about :)

  5. Choices- probably the hardest things we have to face, and we face them everyday! Hope we all have that peace at 40 oh

    Muse Origins (Creative Nigerian Features)
    Muse Origins

  6. oh damn! this made me think deep, about my own life and hope I don't regret the decisions I make now. Hope you get a fulfilled life, one you wouldn't regret, hell, in the future we'd all wish we did some things differently but what matters is making good use of the situations we find ourselves, life is what we make of it :)