Wednesday, October 28, 2020

T.Notes#57: The ones who wandered and wrestled


I lost my faith🥀


I lost my faith

in a crowded hospital parking lot

Clutching final medical results for a dear one

And screaming my lungs

like a badly written script.


Sometimes we take flight🦅

It is not absurd

When life forces you to lose faith

in simple things like

Prayer, hope and a God of justice.

We are only human.


We found a local banku joint🍻

And allowed the day idle away

until the canteens closed shops

and the kitchen stewards exchanged cutleries for stilettoes and flavored condoms.

These are the days of our lives.

=Punta Cana=

Heaven pardon our intoxicated nights🎭

Reggae dancehall, Konshens,

cheap alcohol damning every boundary of decency.

Skin, sweat and inhibited sexuality of total strangers mangled into each other. 


Days we'd go any length to feel alive🐂

As if holding our own lives by its cuffs,

acting out and daring heaven's attention.

Whilst the local choir reminded us in the morning that we were bruking off our souls closer to damnation.

=Wandering home🏚=

Dad used to talk about

making it to heaven

on a broken wing and a tired prayer.

With our multitude of questions abandoned 

this side of eternity,

Doubts and anger exchanged for wonder.


I found my faith on a rainy monday🦋

It returned bandy legged, sensibly cynical

and no longer demanding the heavens

for my share of the miraculous.

An unsensational type of faith

In an assuredly quiet and sturdy sort of way


I am that guy🍃

Who is looking past your kodak charm

To fall in love instead

With the stunning bookcase behind you

Wondering if you read Tozer

And if you are also broken like me.


If heaven reads a blog✒

Tell Dad that i am the wild one

who wandered and wrestled..

And after all is said, done and broken

I think i am still hanging on

Four years and counting

On a wing and a quiet prayer.

This is remembering.