Sunday, June 29, 2014

14 for 14: About friends who become strangers…and a crazy Ghanaian blogger.

If Scarlet were to read this note, I bet she’d think this song is about her….I’d prefer to think that this note is more postively about Dentaa, one crazy Ghanaian blogger.

Dentaa spoke sometime about a certain someone who slowly fizzled from being a friend, into an acquaintance then disappeared altogether into a total stranger….and at the end of the day, she reckoned, that was just fine.

I’m not sure I ever really understood how friends degenerate into total strangers, and much less, how someone just disappears. I guess you never think about it when you are the guilty party that has intentionally broken the bonds of relationship. After all, we have candid reasons for those instances.

Like how it is ok to fall out with friends from youth because life happens as we grow up and go our separate ways. If I bumped into a childhood friend on a frizzy Wednesday afternoon, we’d have a cheerful moment of ‘Ooh,...look at you!...Wow, what’s been going on?!...We should catch up properly sometime..’, etc….then we’d go our separate ways with fond memories of childish pranks of peeping up girl’s skirts together….and that would be the end of that…a cozy smile to end a busy Wednesday…and like Dentaa said, that would be just fine.

But it’s different when we grow up and fall out with someone. Because the friends we make are more intentional, and with supposed benefit of hindsight. Your life has become your bubble, and you are intentional about the kinds of persons you want to include into your precious habitat. Someone like Scarlet….

You know how they say friends can become strangers just as easily as strangers can become friends. I agreed to meet up with Scarlet tomorrow, with vague plans of catching up and giving another purposeful effort to mend the fragmented pieces of what used to be a reasonably golden friendship. But thinking about the situation with Scarlet and thinking about Dentaa’s wise words, I sent a brief message today cancelling the lunch plan, with a vague excuse of work pressures.

I got a letter at work. I still struggle to understand how I’m now supposed to act at this new level. I go into a meeting and people expect me to have a valid opinion. They ask a question and turn to me for an opinion that will drive the business forward…decisions that inform business strategy for a company on the LSE. Problem is after these meetings, I have often looked into the mirror, and all I see is the novice child from yesterday playing grown-up. Except that we are no longer kids.

So when Scarlet asked us to meet up and catch up...It felt like kids playing commitment hide & go-seek. But that’s just the thing….as we grow up, you tend to need only people that are reliable in your sphere. You stop having time to chase anybody to be a part of the bubble that you’re doing your best to keep rolling along.

There are a few things that I do know about life. But I’ll admit that I am yet to understand how someone eats with you on a Sunday evening in your home, then refuses to acknowledge you on a Monday.. and how it boils your manly ego. I usually need to process events before I can react, so the problem lies when I cannot rationally explain a falling out. But Dentaa is right. This note should not even be validating or seeking to understanding Scarlet. And this note ought to be more Nigerian and forthrightly point such persons to the direction of the closest transformer. You know that relief when you curse someone out in Yoruba and finish off with a proper ‘waka, e no go better for you!’, and you feel awesome! Except that you can’t do that in a ‘civilised environment’. So you fake a smile, and do your best to keep calm and carry on whilst seething within.

So this note is not about Scarlet, instead this note is more positively about Dentaa,crazy Ghanaian blogger who reminds me to say it like it is. Afterall, irrespective of location or occupation, we are still afterall African to the teeth.

Intro: The 14-for-14 challange by Janyl. (Click here to familiarize yourelf with the '14 for 14 challenge'). I recently accepted this challenge to go on a quest searching for brand new blogs...with the bull-headed conviction that all creativty is not lost within the nigeria-blogsphere. And also desperate to prove that, contrary to recently popular opinion, not all of the new blog pages are uninteresting (to put it mildly). This is my sixth post into that journey. 


  1. I can totally relate to friends becoming strangers.

  2. Well, thank you for the compliment (me naa I know I am crazy).
    And yep, there's a couple (or was a couple) of those friends strangers people in my life, mostly cos I let people make their own decisions and live by them, meaning I won't chase you o... (not worth it), cos I know there's quite a number of strangers out there who could be my new friend. Worse case scenario, I am more than content being the only friend I got.

  3. Friends becoming happens. I think friendship should be a fluid thing. And it's important to recognise what it is, depending on the situation. A friendship can be so special that nothing prises it apart. It will survive fire, flood, peaks and valleys. Some friendships exist because they serve a particular purpose or work by way of reciprocity and when that isn't there, it dies.

  4. I used to be a sucker for old frienship but I have learnt a lot recently. Life goes on so our priorities change. Friends become strangers and strangers become friends.

  5. True Talk Oga Boss, Its strange how people just change all of a sudden. I can totally relate to the Pranks part tho. :).

    On a serious note, it's strange, how Best of Friends do not necessarily become Strangers, but common Hello-Hi acquaintances :(. Anyway Life is strange in itself, and growing up is even much more strange. If i got a Thousand Naira for every friend that has become a stranger in my life, I would be a millionaire ATM...... I must confess sha, that I am most times the Guilty one, but like you said:...."Our lives have become bubbles, and we are intentional about the kinds of persons we want to include into our precious habitat"".

    Enlightening post as usual Oga Boss...

  6. I’m not sure I ever really understood how friends degenerate into total strangers, and much less, how someone just disappears.

    There really was no friendship

    With real friends, the rapport picks up where it stopped
    At least that is what I have experienced with my real friend
    The last something years I have spent with people who
    weren't friends
    When my grandma passed, I just reckoned, life is too
    precious to spend with people who don't give a hoot about you

    I regretted a lot of things I did then, like giving priority to those
    who didn't matter and ignoring the people who did.

    God was with me anyways. That is the only good thing that came
    out of that

    I am glad that I am free and walking in liberty by the spirit of God
    I will never again choose bondage no matter how couched it is put.

  7. I would love it if you would do a guest post for me
    What say you?
    Give me an email address, let me holler at you.

  8. Excellent post. Deep, layered, relatable, real. Now I wish I was Nigerian then I would understand the sign-off used after cussing one out.

  9. I think I know exactly how a friend could degenerate into a total stranger. i just graduated and in so little time, many friendships have started to wither. I used to be so disturbed but I'm learning that sometimes, we shed people just as trees shed leaves. We've gotta strike that balance yeah?! Honestly speaking, I'd hate to lose some friends but then, some things are just beyond our control. The most we can do is fight to keep things together.
    As for those wey dey chop person food com dey do like dem no sabi u the next day, their day of reckoning is coming. About two months ago, my girls and I visited a friend. Some of our mutual male friends also came along. one of the guys then invited one of his extra chics to the house. the babe happened to be our schoolmate. After my girls cooked, the girl who couldn't even say a proper "hello" devoured everything. The next day, the babe bumped into us at the mall and acted as if she'd never seen us before. I was torn between laughing and pulling her tongue out of her head. Some people don't have enough sense to do right by strangers let alone hold good friendship together.
    I had a good read. And hey, I'm back on my blog. :)

  10. Hmmmm....friends who become strangers. I've been burnt and i've also been the guilty one. Having tasted both sides, i can safely conclude that its inevitable though sometimes hurtful...hmmmm

  11. Friends becoming strangers, fact of life, I guess
    But hey! Life must go on :)

  12. @T.Notes- Are we becoming strangers???? *hehehehehe*

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  14. Hiya,
    I nominated you for the Liebster blog award. I'll be delighted if you 'receive' it :)

    1. Come on T-Notes, we are waiting sir... In the words of Jack Bauer of 24.. We have all perimeters on Lock down. heheh It would be nice to know something sir, anything.

  15. Oga Boss TN, I am joining my Barri-tone Voice to Cee's beautiful voice on her comment above ( You know like the Opera :) ) ... You are like the FBI Agent on Blogsville, asin CIA stuff( No records, No info, and no Archives lol :) )... We your Faithful disciples would like to have a peek into your head sir. So please pick up the Liebster award from Cee.. Thanks and Cheers.

  16. blessings...
    Friendship is like any other relationship, you got to put in the time, makes the deposits, water it so to speak for it to grow and bloom. On the other side, some friendships are just temporary, (transitory) only we don't know it. The person(s) comes into our lives for a specific reason, for us to learn something, transform from something/to something, and once that is accomplished then it ends, the person goes away or as you say the friendship fades into nothingness.

    The key in friendships in fact in all relationships is to enjoy them, take nothing for granted and when it ends, accept, take all the good that came as a result of it and move forward. Easier said than done I know, however its necessary as we cannot hold on to people that do not wish to be held.

    have a blessed weekend.