Tuesday, November 24, 2020

T.Notes#58: Lately i've been thinking...

 Sixty-nine million words,

Fifteen life changing decisions,

Seven countries,

And i still haven't found what i'm looking for.


Lately i've been thinking

About what the pinnacle of satisfaction looks like.

When do you know

that you have achieved what your wandering heart is searching for?


I have watched myself every night

stare absently at a boiling tea kettle,

nibbling cotton candy to quench my hunger,

whilst my faith fizzles back and forth like careless steam,

and reckless thoughts of flight teases my mind again.


Lately i've been thinking...

That the idea of being deeply spiritual

is a beautiful thing

But it can also lead you

into some very messed up life decisions.

God save our souls.


I read about how every decision we make becomes part of the story of our life.

They say someday you would like to sit

with your kids or spouse and tell your story.

But you will pause and wonder which chapters are better censored or erased..


Lately i've been thinking...

That it is easy to find laughter.

To find an idea that tickles your soul

And just let it rip - laugh out loud and long

And by God, do it all over again.


So last night we roasted Corn and "Boli'

on a garden spitfire grill

Whilst it snowed outside in Canada

Making mockery of our laughable attempts to recreate childhood memories.


Lately i've been thinking...

That the Bible is full of reckless promises

Never will I leave or forsake you.

You don't even know me

Or do You?


Yet here we are..

Returning every day from your rented life,

To crawl through murky waters

of your own errors and cruel intentions 

To find a sit at the foot of Kings.


Lately i've been thinking...

About how it is easier to worship my emotions

But if you stay long enough

I promise you will hear a quiet voice,

Saying this is the way you should go.


But what about OCD traits which have rudely taken over our minds

Yet time after time,

The same stupid obsessive introspection

Will pull us safely from our own worst inclinations


Lately i've been thinking...

That i still haven't found what i'm looking for.

But hope is the untiring expectation

That joy will come someday.


So I beg you again to consider

That the skies will not fall

The heavens will not cave in.

Oh I wish that you'd breathe

And save room in our wandering

For hope and for tomorrows.


Lately i've been thinking...

Dear Jesus, 

This mind will not let me be

So I have been thinking...


That you play that same song on repeat

Every night tossing on your bed

As if battling with your desperate soul

To accept the uneasy notion

That just maybe

God is intentionally good to you.


Lately i've been thinking.


7 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Lol. Kindred souls are we, LG!
      T.Notes

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  2. I think about the finality of life a lot lately!.
    Is it really worth all the stress and hustle and all we chase.

    I miss this streets.

    'Molara Brown

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is worth it.
      Honestly.
      There is more beauty and joy than the occasional darkness.
      ��

      Delete
  3. "Lately i've been thinking...
    That i still haven't found what i'm looking for.
    But hope is the untiring expectation
    That joy will come someday."

    What if it doesn't? And now is all we have?
    Will you stop looking?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are correct Dami. It is a balance of living in the now as well as aspiring for the hopeful better destination. The context for me is with regards to how desperately discontent about the present moment. In this regard, i came to a personal place of acknowledging that there is no amount of fluffy motivational talk that could compensate for what i was unhappy about in my current position. So reaching for something better was more important to me than resting or enjoying in the now. And if now ended up to be all i got, i'd be rest assurred that i used now to chase aftet tomorrow.
      If all of that made sense. Lol.
      I appreciate you.
      T.Notes

      Delete
  4. Love this.

    Lately I've been thinking
    What it would feel like to know the end from the beginning.

    Tamie

    ReplyDelete