Saturday, December 31, 2011

2011 in broken pieces...



When i look back,
i have often seen my life (even egoistically so), as a fine complete vessel that i handed with gracious dancing into His hands...
But as this year draws to a close and i quietly reflect
at all of the painful memories when that vessel was thrown hard to the ground
and all the fine pieces of me mixed with mud and tears and many questions of why...
I give myself away...


As the clock ticks on 2012
I have crouched low, and allowed those pieces be delicately held back together...even with glue that i suspect may be fragile and unfirm.
Many times i have screamed and cursed at His help..
'Why help now-you allowed all of this in the first place?!'
'Leave me and let me mourn in peace, start my life anew directions i only deem proper!'
And often when all else failed, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!'



I have not ended these notes with any amazing dawning to all of questions,
But still...I give myself away...
Here is me that was sturdy and secure, now needy entirely of your grace,
Still handing it all yet again back to you.

If I have not learnt anything at all this year,
i've have at least understood to drink full of the cup mixed with pain and tests of integrity and faithfulness.
And the words that remained etched in blood:
'Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial bacause, having stood the test, he will receive the crown of life...'

I don't understand it, but i see it...
that if you append your agreement at the start of the contract,
then when all hell breaks loose and (somehow) through it all you manage to hang on,
never once ripping it all to shreds,
then when all the madness ceases and the sun shines,
there truly is a fine reward.

I still don't understand pain.
I've often wondered if we did not all sign on to become sacrifices at the mercy of something we cannot see...scarry...
Entirely like C.S.Lewis explained in 'Till we have faces' (God bless his Soul).
As one after the other, it happens to the best of us.
The braver ones have held up noble faces to the heavens
and counted it all pure joy to face trials of many kind,
counting it as a privilegde...
I only wish for quiet days...feeling like i've been through enough.

I don't understand it,
because i didnt become a valiant warrior for all of it,
instead i reached another level of broken,
and a confidence that is not me and only lays quiet within.
Yes i know how to face some battles now,
and when the times comes again,
i know where to assemble my defences.
I won't be crouching or whimpering....

I don't understand it because my hopes have grown dim
I won't believe anybody who preaches lofty messages about utopias and wonderland,
instead i quietly observe and advice for him to wait his turn,
and only pray that life will not deal him too hard.
My hopes are dimmed because like a war torn soldier,
i still sleep with the weapons and a ready hand under my pillow...
and i wonder if that is how to live life.

A good friend of mine stayed with me for a few weeks,
and He loved the song by William McDowell.
I hated everytime he'd look straight into nothingness and sing along from the depths of him 'I give myself away, so you can use me.'
It just doesn't make sense, i'd tell him...
You have no idea what He is capable of turning your life into...
as my own thoughts delved back into memories.


But as the clock ticks on
and i find under the carpet, that reluctant missing piece of my fine china vessel,
the part of me that trembled at the thought of giving it all entirely...
I understand...
and i hand it to Him...
and walk away,
singing into the new year...

Happy new year folks
Don't forget to pray for those hurting.
May all of tomorrow be ever so finer than yesterday.
Emmanuel...God is with us...for whatever life may bring.
At least, that is my own confidence.




I Give Myself Away

Chorus:
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

Verse 1:
Here I am
Here I stand
Lord, my life is in your hands
Lord, I’m longing to see
Your desires revealed in me
I give myself away

Verse 2:
Take my heart
Take my life
As a living sacrifice
All my dreams, all my plans
Lord I place them in your hands

Chorus:
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

Chorus:
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

Bridge(7X):
My life is not my own
To you I belong
I give myself, I give myself to You
Chorus:
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Say a prayer for Ashley

I'm sure most of you have been saddened by Ashley's trending 'secret' on youtube. But i ask that you do not only shed a casual tear. Instead, say a prayer every now and then for her and her family. It's the least we all can do.
Only God knows....

Friday, December 16, 2011

Disclaimer: This is not my life.

This is the story of a guy called T. It is not my life...no matter how you choose to interprete it. But i will do best to re-tell the incident as it happened.

It is not my life because T. is a total bast3rd, and everybody who knows about this story has used even stronger language to condemn his callousness. T. was journey bound for Nigeria last week with his fiancee for their traditional wedding engagement. That was where i met the couple, because i also happened to be flying around that time.I noticed T. was fidgety on that immigration check quee, and every now and then, his concerned wife-to-be would look his way and ask if he was alright. Everytime, he mumbled an incoherent reply. All the way till the two had their papers checked and they were urshered through. I think it was at that point that T. realized there was no going back, and he just could not deal with it. There was abit of shuffle on the quee, and i think i heard him mumble, 'i'll be back dear', then he made his way out of the line and hurried out.I saw the look in his eyes and i knew he would not be...coming back.

I think his fiancee knew too, because she started getting frantic and calling his name. But he'd left her with three hand luggages that hindered her progress of getting out of the line in time. She motioned to me asking if i could hold on to her luggages, but the immigration officials immediately countered the suggestion and asked brashly if she was getting on the flight.

'My husband is...'She replied with confusion...'I just need to wait for my him, he said he'll be back...He...'.
'Madame, i'm sorry you either have to get on the plane or step out of the line. If your husband gets back in time, he'll join you on board.'

I knew he was not coming back. I watched him like a bad movie playing out in my head. He was walking fast, then picked up speed into a short jogg. He also looked confused...frightened. I could hear his breath quickening with every brisk step. He pulled a mobile phone out of his pocket and made a frantic call.

'TZ, come pick me up.'
'I thought you....' He didn't let her finish.
'Just pick me up now!'
He hurried out of terminal three and dodged into a nearby starbucks like a common thief. He waited there a sweating thirty minutes before a grey nissan pulled up nearby and he hurried inside and the two drove away.

I like TZ because she doesn't mince words...she's a realist, just like me.
'What the fu&k did you just do?!'
'Look i told you i could not go along with it!'
'And i told you not to go ahead if you were going to back out! For Christ's sake T!'
'Look, don't shout at me ok!'
'Ofcourse i'll fucking shout at you!I might be a bitch and all, but do you have any idea the chaos you're about to cause!'

And chaos seriously was erupting everywhere--on the BA Lagos bound flight, in Lagos, in the U.S. Phones were buzzing everywhere, everybody was calling, as the woman T. had left in the airport was making a very terrible attempt to understand a situation that was best only left to hollywood and bestsellers. I now understood fully what was going on, because her voice was loud, and tearful and disoriented as she made calls, and answered calls.

'I don't know where he has gone to!He's not picking his call! I don't know what to do?!!Should i leave the airport! Can you try to reach his t-mobile! Oh God, i can't breathe...was is going on...etc'

I can't explain any more than that...but for all who asked, does that answer your question?

Friday, December 2, 2011

pleaseeee

Please ensure I get home tonight.
Tomorrow's D-day!

Monday, November 28, 2011

The last notes (marrried people ought not to blog)

Who says I would ever get marrried?!

But my point nonetheless.Married folks should settle with their montonous diaper changing lives and wait for Jesus to return and tell them 'well done good and boringly faithful servant'.Yes I said that...and cue that for #1 why this blog is on the countdown.

I don't know where my non-commitalism came from.Which is why I have been here before and I ran.Quit my job,fled the country like a Moses on the excuse of needing a masters degree (which by the way I was allowed a distinction on).

But I am no freaksho(ace blogger btw).I'm not going to write a masterpiece telling how I have met the love of my life because last night I was still convincing TZ to ditch her bf and run away with me.
Maybe things we do to stall the eventual.

I think women scream about weddings.Men (most men at least,just let it happen and dismally watch the bank account dwindle).

Many are the words I could scribble,but I hold a 2000bucks ring in my hand now and wonder what the heck I am doing.

These are my T.Notes.

Monday, November 21, 2011

The last notes (confessions of a retiring blogger)



Three funny things happened within the past week.
1.I called home,and mums tells me her church pastor's been having revelations that I'm gonna turn out to become a pastor.#Don'taskmehow

2.I called clueless-in-stiletoes(blogger with the sexiest voice and ceo of veniviici.Forgive me A,I still struggle getting d spelling right!),and told her i want to buy a fat ass diamond.

3.I called musco(blogger) and he told me he's seeing visions of baby drama in my life.I cursed his 2nd generations and slammed the phone.

I will explain in the following notes...

P.S T.Z now speaks in terms of when we get married,if we get married...and she's got a man...and I might be going to France next week for an evil job.

I have a lot to get off my mind...there are my T.Notes.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

The T.Notes Quickie Quiz!


Really simple:
Where or when is the name of God exalted the most-
Irrespective of faith,color and tribe?

Clue-its not such a quickie!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

A question of faith

There's a game children play...
They would run off a little bit and look back at the watchful parent with a mischievous grin
Mother would give a eye of disprove,then the child would race back home with giggles
As if he was testing,to see how far off he could wander before you admonish him to come back home.

I got a mail yesterday from an asian friend
She wants me to come with her to one of those eastern faith conference
You know the types that emphasise on meditation and visions etc
The background is from when we lived together and we used to have long discusions about faith
The background is from when I felt it important to make effort to share the 'beauty' of my religious faith myself.

But as time and life happened,the importance of that duty slowly waned
I started becoming like the child who would test the waters of straying
Frequently looking back up for 'His eye of disprove' before I ammend my ways and 'come back home'
The thing about playing childish games is that some day you'll grow up and it'd be entirely up to you to decide if the same eye was enough to 'call you to order'
Or if like in my case,even screams from the proverbial parent now proved futile to gain attention.

Far from being a stylish note of western religious-independence,
I do really wish I cared,
And that my heart would not be so cold.
I sincerely wish I could have carried on that conversation today with a new acquaintance
Without knowingly cutting it short due to the bitterness.

And this is the note-
I truly don't understand my days
It seems to me like all my former efforts of living within the accepted lines of approval brought me no gain
Instead my days are complex and the decisions herein get harder and more tasking to make.
I can't truthfully 'market' christianity to anyone
Because I know from all the years of living it,
That its a hard painful life to live
Yes,its lived with meaning and yes there are occasional reveries of joy and respite
But the responsibilities...

Soon I stopped looking back for his disprove of my steps
The farther away I can get from his hard responsibilities,the better
And sought opinions couldn't matter
That's just the problem with living too long within the boundaries of faith-you sort of get to have heard it all and can masterfully preach your own through every side of the argument
But don't it wrong,
Somehow somewhere,in all of these,I'm still holding out for a hopeful happy ending to all these meandering thoughts
If I've learnt one thing that's remained-
Its that for mosts,every thing...is all in phases.

This was a personal .note.
And being typed out on a BB leaves room for plenty typos.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Back!

How deeply I have missed my blog!!!
It's a hard life being single and lonely-without my better half,sigh..my sexy ass slim toshiba mean beast.Whomever be the basterd that stole you away on that fateful tube journey,I rest knowing that he cannot love you like I do!!!
P.s,blogging with a BB sucks big time!But u can't keep a good man down!
P.s,another guy blew me kisses today.I'm seriously starting to be worried.

Friday, August 26, 2011

It's only a number T.Notes...

I'm abit melancholic right now. Also knackered and seriously needing the bed after an early morning shift. But i need to put down this note just for me,and hey maybe you too.

Two things happened today that had to do with random digits. The first happened as i woke up by 3am and began an hurried preparation to get to Tesco for an early morning shift. On my way rushing out of the flat,i realized i'd forgotten to confirm that my staff i.d card was in my bag. #Dang!I need the i.d card because it has my staff i.d code which i need to access entry doors and get work done. But i was running late,so i took a moment to recall the number i'd been punching in frequently for the past year.I figured i had a good idea of the number,so i rushed off to work without checking for the i.d card. I got to work and indeed i had the number memorized quite right. I keyed into the building and work for the rest of the morning was a breeze. When my shift ended, i clocked out and left the building. It was afterall,only just numbers, 6digits to be precise.

I got home tired and found the mail i'd been informed should come in today. It was a huge package from the office,canary wharf.

It had inside P45&46 forms, information about my options on employee benefits&investments, annual bonuses, itinerary for a posh induction week, whom i would speak to on my first day in the office, stuff about company gadgets - mobiles,laptops,etc. And at the very top of the letter was the important detail i'd also been expecting. A six digit number which would grant me staff access into the towering bank's building. I didn't do my signature "whoop whoop holler" or scream.I only heaved a sigh of relief and called the number i was directed to call to set up an employee bank account for me. The lady on the other end was friendly and asked calmly: "Can i get your staff i.d please?" I looked up the 6digits on the top of the letter and recited it. She responded, "Perfect. Welcome to xyz Bank T.Notes". She then proceeded to set up the required ish and ooch in preparation for my first day. It was afterall,only just numbers, 6digits to be precise.

Did i ever mention that the Bank also sponsored a new work visa application for me? They handled all the documentation,paid for it and sorted it all out. All i did was reply their mails and send them my passport. This is the quiet:...I'm only just a guy,you know. That's what I said to myself in the mirror this morning knowing fully well that might have been my last day at tesco. "Why are so good to me? I'm really truly just a screwed up,messed up guy who's struggling to keep it all together.". I know people who've been here longer than me and are still struggling to find even a part-time job. And look at me and and my big head totally jumping all the red tape and processes.

God blesses us for a reason...i know my reason and my cross. Its like how those old cartoons used to say, "with power comes great responsibilities.". I fully well know that. But all the same...i'm really only just a guy. But a new day is ahead,and i'm not kidding myself to think its all going to be a stroll in the park. I still have hard prayers yet unfulfilled and You should see the caliber of Cambridge, UCL and LBS guys (n ladies) Smart ass dorks,&jocks the bank also took up!BUT GAME ON, BRING IT ON!This Naija no dey carry last!
I used to work with a Nigerian chic back in Tesco who's now booked a flight back home for september. In her own bitter words, "The U.K has nothing to offer international students.".I disagree. And its not just about the U.K or brains. Its the God behind it all. So like supercool neefemi, i pray for everyone who has a similar need to which i had. I pray not just that your needs are met, but they are met with a testimony that will astound anyone who hears it. God bless you...God never fails, hang on, and DO EVERYTHING TO MAKE THAT DREAM HAPPEN. IT IS POSSIBLE...afterall, i am just a guy, who's switching from Tesco's 6digit staff i.d, to XYZ's automated staff access PIN.

...One of my Fav worship songs,because of the deep story behind it, how how he breaks down midway in the song. The song was inspird after he lost his best friend, but still...God.


Oh,if you wanna hear the story of the song:

A love that celebrates weakness,and is true to God....i think that's what counts the most.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

These oyinbo people will just be vexing someone sef!!!

From my part-time work:
(1st thing in the morning)
Our records indicate that you did not attend your confirmed shift at Tesco High Street on xxxth August and did not inform us of this. You now have a 'No Show' on your file. Please reply within 24 hours advising of any extenuating circumstances or errors on our part or you will be issued with a Feedback Report and further action will be taken.

Regards,

xxx

My Prompt reply:
Abeg, go and hug transformer jare!!!

No dey vex me today, i am not in a good mood! Ehnn, somebody no fit sleep forget come work again?! Abeg, go and die jare!!

Kind regards

T.Notes



My real reply:


Hello xxx

Thanks for your email......blah blah blah.....



By God's grace,i should start my proper LondonBigBoy Job next month and all these ass-kissing for a GCSE Certificate holder will reduce. But seriously,i'm vexed!!!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

How i became the inglorious basterd that i am.



I spoke to a friend today and my heart felt like lead - out of sadness for him, and as a result of the buried emotions within me i'd long tried to stifle. But today it all came out like a dam overflowing its ugly banks, as i remembered all that made me the basterd i have become today.


7 years ago and some heated words still never heal. You can only disown a child once and its best done on his 20 something birthday.

Mother: It's either you choose this family, or that girl! Let me know your choice today!
T.N: (Quiet)
Mother: So you will not let her go?
T.N: (Quiet)
Mother: Then, You are not my child! It's your life, do it as you wish!
T.N: (Quiet)

The arguments were replayed every single day. Looking back,i wonder how i maintained a single opinion for so long.Me myself, i get strong head sha.
Mother: What is wrong with you?!How difficult is it for you to break up with a girl?!
T.N: Because all of the reasons you have slated,as far as i am concerned hold no weight. I am entitled to my own opinion- in the choice of the person I WILL SPEND the rest of my life with.I,not You.
Mother: She must have given you something to eat! They must have taken your name somewhere, that's what it is,isn't it?!
T.N(Dry laugh): Then there must not be a God up there. If there is a God, then the authority and faith we hold in Him should be bigger than voodoo and charms. If at all she was that sort of person-we know she is not.
Mother: You are just a child. You cannot understand.

For some reason, that one always stung the most. Being thought to be a fool, even when it was easily acknowledged that i used to be one everyone relied on in those days. I was supposedly the most spiritually inclined; I held the best grades (i must have at least been reasonably smart right?), i was the most introspective, i thought everything deep and through. She used to come to me for advice when everything was falling apart. Now all of a sudden, i am a fool.

T.N (Dry laugh): I guess i am a child then. I'll wait to grow up and understand. Till that day,i cannot do something that's against what i know to be true.


Its hard to go back to those days...the words were too deep and too hard. They cut deep and made bleed. Desperate,I sought counsel everywhere. I needed to be sure that i wasn't making a big mistake. But the others didn't see a big deal in any of the stress. The older pastors didn't, the counselors didn't,my older friends didn't, and worse still,i didn't. So how could i have walked away??

I remember my heart growing colder for all the four years that turmoil dragged on. I stopped caring...i stopped living...i receded deep within to protect the only thing that made sense in those days.I hate going back to those days.Dark dark days.I left the house when it reached its peak.I had the choice to stay i Lagos for nysc, or give up my privileged influence with the nysc authorities. I didn't care, i didn't want to be there anymore. So i walked far away. But pain does not reduce with space/distance. When i came back from the east,something had broken within, i was not the same person anymore. I changed.


There are many ways to consider the issue of parental discontent with your spousal relationship. Acknowledgely,in many instances, it turned out the child was wrong and was short sighted. But in some rare instance-like my friend's whose story i listened to today,there just couldn't be any visible sign to suggest that he is being the fool. Everything just seemed right...And in other instances,even where the danger signs are obvious,there is the element of love-so deep. Ahhh,the emotion is a funny thing,and can run stronger and deeper than we could ever imagine.My friend quoted from the final chapters of romeo and juliet,explaining that in some stories,both parties could just not bare the thought of living without each other, they'd rather die. And many have died for love. It's very common in india and asia even these days- i was surprised myself to find out. Ofcourse I don't succumb to the death decision (lol), but i understand where the idea may be steaming from. I have been there.


The funny thing is that even with all of the hullabaloo,the everyday living of marriage still holds most of its rough days. Marriage is hard work. Even where the two people involved loved each other to death and all of the world and the catholic pope ratified their union..there would still be days where they'd hate each other with the same ferociousness. There'd still be days when his secretary will make his blood burn with lust. She might cheat on him, the children will make their days rough, finances will still be hard on some days. And everyone of the unions must still battle against the odds of a divorce when the heats gets too hard. So yes the cynical part of me acknowledges that it may all not be worth it, fighting the world for one person...or is it?

But then again, when we are in love,as we all we be, love is all we have. Love, Faith and Hope for the best. I believe everybody should be entitled to that-especially moreso when the person's usual reasoning can be trusted. Heck, even with all the parent's good intention, many of them only endured their marriages to the end.

Anyway,i adviced him to write and let it all out in a blog and hopefully his last words will be a happy ending...he'd propose to her and the whole world will laugh with him. He laughed it off and said he'd try. As for me..well some people go through shit and heal and become better for all of it. Me,i just never healed. I just became an inglorious unbelieving basterd. That's why i have another date on friday with Tz.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Life,as we know it (My cross roads 4)


We never ever grow old of our admiration for super heroes. That's why old men are still making marvel comic movies and nollywood is still trying to create what looks like an action movie. I liked superman when i was younger. I used to wish i had super powers, until today when i realize that along with being put in a saviour/warrior position,comes some really hard responsibilities. Such as decisions and actual combat(shriek)!

Suddenly i am questioning, How can i be a super heroe when i do not have the cape, and i do not even like wearing spandex!I've mentioned before that my bulging crotch even makes me super picky in selecting boxer sizes, talk less of wearing spandex and red pants in public!


Suddenly i am making excuses of, "I have a stutter,you know i stammer, how do you expect me to speak up against authorities!" What if it turns out that what i believed in and stood up for was all crap? What if i lifted up my magic staff/wand and the seas did not part? What if an eqyptian arrow hits me as we make our way through the red seas?!


And to start with, what do i know about the art of warfare in the first place? One sobering fear that gets to me every now and then in these thoughts is an old acquaintance who carried his big head like mine and said he was going to war against cultural affirmation. He did good for a while until he travelled home to the East during holidays and his car crashed - killing him, his wife, and leaving a toodler child orphaned and at the mercy of the heartless villager's tug of war for inheritance. #Shudders# How i wish i was carribbean!
But i try to reassure myself that that's a lone incidence,and hey, i'll be just fine,would still be running my mouth all over the place until i am 95 and need braces to keep them from dropping off my jaw!


And these are all just primal fears,aren't they? Should we live our lives and make decisions just because we were afraid? What if i was right....what if? What if i turned and ran,and that voice remained as a haunt through my days,telling me, "You should have stayed,you should have fought this." But that's all action movie talk...Groan..i wish someone would turn off the sky digital channel that my days have become.
/

Someone recently said to me: The thing about our African traditions and all of the nay-sayers is that,they never consider what will happen to the other person who has become the object of scrutiny. All we want to do is save our own face. And the sad sad thing in all of these,and even my own meandering thought is that, i know without a doubt that,if i was the one in the position wherein she finds herself today, and she was faced with the choice to stick by me or not,she'd never ever walk away from me. It doesn't still make it any easier does it...choice is such bitch. I swear,at the end of all these,i'll put up a shiny 32 grin of me lounging in the carribean brandishing my new nationality passport. You can all be there singing:



Me,personally,i've had it with all the bullsh*t! #FightThis T.N#

Life, as we know it (My cross roads 3)

I've mentioned before that i wish this will all turn out to be being overdramatic and indulging my inner knack for theatrics...but i'm yet to wake up since this whole crap started and find that i was dreaming it all. The dang sickness hasn't gone away, my stress level is getting worse and i'm informed now to report to a family meeting in london next week. Do you see where this is going..as a part of me told me today, "To fight this, man.".

Now, in Nigerian style life, as we all know it, you do not pick a fight against your family. You do not fight against culture, tradition, and the last wishes of your parents. And if you choose to fight,then you are turning your back on everything. Walking away in the words of craig daid that's been taunting my mind of late. But i wonder against the fine voices of tradition,where my personal principles and hopes lie when it contradicts the genral fear of "family.". Its a hard one, and varied opionions will draw swords already in defence, i know...

You know that old song "Jesus take the wheel!". And i wonder, how do you tell the distiction between when to let go and let God, and when you seriously need to "Suck it up, and take charge of the direction you life would be going?" #LikeSeriously?#I know this might end up sounding luda,but its alright to pray and hope and have faith,but as of now,i'm getting sick and tired of the 'not knowing', and just wanna take back charge of my life.Heck,if i drove the whole thing off the cliff,i'd meet God with a half broken toothy grin and say, 'dang that felt good!'.#heresy, i know quoting from Joshua Harris' Blog:

Nowhere in the Bible does it say "God helps those who help themselves." But it does tell us that God helps those who wait for him and hope in him.

But a part of me still tells me to: "Fight this man.". The intricate details of these are hard. Like, meen,jeez!I've lived quite abit and have pocketed a few experiences along the way, but admitedly, none this difficult. Today i asked God frankly, "Why is this happening to me?" "Why am i at the center of this mess?". And i recalled my recent thoughts about modern day supermen.

Life, as we know it (My CrossRoads 2)

Today,I said to myself:Fight this, man. But how much i hate drama! I don't watch Hollyoaks,or one tree hill, or any other series that smells like soap. I've always believed that life has enough worries of its own, why should i want to entertain myself by watching fictional turmoil. I'd rather laugh, or be fascinated by SciFi's or thrillers. So imagine my horror when someone decided it's my turn to become the center of real-life dramatics!

Note: I now officially hate being Nigerian and everything associated with our african traditional roots. Culture, believes, its all crap. I can totally understand now why many have left the shores of home, accepted the ideals of another culture and never looked back. I might never look back.

So,someone very close to me fell ill recently. Really ill, but we hope she'll get better. Alot of people freaked out at the situation, in particular, my family. Yes, without a doubt, i have my own bouts of fears,but being closest to the person in concern, i've kept them at bay and insisted on being supportive. It's my support that's become my reason for all of these crap. I don't get us Nigerians, seriously,i think for the most part of it, we're narrow minded, unnecessarily fearfull.

I've lived long and hard enough to know that, "Sometimes, life happens.".Anything can happen to anybody at any point in time. You might loose a loved one tommorrow, you might crash in a plane next week...for the most part of it, we can only do the best we can to safe life, but none of us is above the lemons and curveballs that life can throw at anytime. So, help me understand,why i should pick up my skirt and run like everybody else? What if in my running, i ran into an incoming truck? What if i ran and ran head first into something far worse than what i was picking tail from in the first place? We all have our opinions...of which we are entitled to.

Life,as we know it (My Cross Roads 1)

I have often bitched about insensitive bloggs who go on and on about their personal problems and seem to forget that the rest of us take coffee and crackers type delight in the formerly lighthearted nature of their blogs. Since i realize that i am fast becoming one of such people, i apologize in advance. But to be frank, for the past few weeks and maybe subsequent ones,i'm needing this blogg just for me...if that makes any sense at all. Matter-of-fact,i've considered that the level of shit i might be disclosing if i am unable to revert to taking personal charge of my own issues, might just provide the fine culmination to these pages. Fuck, life just got too heavy! And if this all ends like fairy tale, then it'd be a fine place to put up smiley faces of the nut cracker behind this blog-because at that point, really, there'd be no more need for privacy or annonymity-having said all already.

Wordless



On this day...8/3/2011.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Gidi Blues!!!! (Friday night par-tay)



I am hereby officially missing my gidi nights~the occassional jazz n blues at the Muson center, oooh that suya spot we hang out on Gerald after work, MotherLan+lagbaja=Konko below!, the crew at Terra, Ikoyi club nights, roasted fish at country club, that african restaurant in yaba behind CCC (jeez,i am forgetting names already!)Finicky,or something like that!Forget all that silverbird and whats the name of its counterpart in lekki??!!...I can't believe i am forgetting names of places and streets already!!!Noooo,i cannot forget!!!Meen, i am ditching this place and going home for christmas!!!

But for the moment, sisi eko is rocking the airways in Brum, in preparation for our after dissertation naija party at Edgaston!!!!Ooooohhh!!Gidi sha, for all the sufferring and smiling!!!!

Oya Stop, I say Stop!!!Park yair, park yair!!!

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Letters to future me


Dear me...This is for that day you will wake up at 40 and wonder why i brought us to this place...(well if we didn't hit the delete on this blog somewhere along the way).

Sometime towards the end of our M.Sc programme,life happened, and i was brought to a cross road, faced with a decision to continue down a certain road,or change direction. This was the place (for most parts) that brought us to where we stand today. And standing i did,dear me. (If indeed Heaven gave me the grace to stand)

For some reason,i think back to the childhood story of PeterPan and his fascination with Never land...Incase,you have forgotten,something happened to us long time back,where we fought hard till we almost bleed to death...we fought for an idea,a suppossed ideal,and we came out with the goal. That is fine. Battles make you stronger,and they sure did. But like PeterPan,when something traumatises your whole being,you tend to subsequently lock it away in a far closet and choose to forget,wanting to be child forever along with the part of you that survived the wars....That is why i have always laughed the loudest,because i treasure the simplicity of predictable everyday joys and quietness.

But somewhere towards the tail end of Business School,those old doors got jarred open again and i remembered the reality of what it means to go to war. But you know,when you grow older, if you ever have to fight again,you pick your fights. You are no longer fighting for an ideal or a vague idea...you have now understood life better,so you know what idea makes sense and what doesn't...but still dear me,there is the bit of justice and principles that may constrain you. It is on the basis of this, that i am forced to stand up, forget Never land, and be a man once again...even though scarred as hell. But should i have run away dear me - because i was afraid?...Wouldn't you have mocked me as a fool? But what if being a fool brought you quieter days at 40? Do you see the tyranny of choices..you just never ever know. You only do your best, i did my best i swear i did.

I am not sure what choice i will make right now,but i know it will radically determine the course of our days,- heck more your days than mine! You wonder why i am so cynical and irrational,may this little piece answer your questions. The apostle Paul once quoted saying...'even if my life is being poured out as a drink offering..'Those are the words of a man who knew the implications of his decisions before he made them,yet he made them still...that is where i stand today dear me.. I know what this might lead to,yet i might continue...

I really hope your life turned out more beautiful than mine. I hope i did not put you in a place of regret and turmoil...I hope i made the right choice, and even for all the stress you might have to endure, that your days are still laced with plenty silver linnings- the fruit of the ideal that i choose to believe in. Dear me...there aren't alot from which you can base your decisions in life. There is God, principles, and the rest is just flakes from which you hope luck plays you a good card. I've found that God many atimes goes quiet when you have to make a choice..because choice is a gift He's given to us and will not take back. He gives you an idea and waits for you to decide. The best one can do maybe,is to take that idea,and mix with the best intentions-in justice and faith, then let life churn the rest out....Nobody can make a choice for you,nobody did...so i take unflinching responsibility.

You know all i am talking about...heck i wish it just turned out that i was being over dramatic here - if wishes were horses,i'd sure as hell ride out of here right now. And that's the crux of the whole matter, to ride this horse, or get off whilst i still can...that was the choice as the doors the NeverLand got closed forever. Behold i set before you this day, Life and Death, choose...what?

Saturday, July 23, 2011

S*a*d (The Quiet)



If you've lived long and hard enough,you'd know that life isn't always coozy coffee and crackers. Some days and times are b*a*d, s*a*d...but that's just life.

I wore a hospital gown a few days ago and laid out on a surgery table....I'm fine,but let no one kid you,some days are anxious, s*a*d...but that's just life.

Usually i would delete that last bit because i hardly put up personal posts that are too easy to decipher,but of lately i've been blogging just for myself and my sanity...truth...a few words....

On a different T.Note even still,I might have to brace myself for some rough days ahead...pick up the gaunlet and fight again. I'd grown tired of fighting, i thought Obama ended all the wars!


You know,i wonder,if you see trouble ahead,should you keep walking towards it(even when you've fought too many troubles already in your days),or just knowingly take a detour?!

P.S please don't badger me with calls (i will not pick o),i'm really peachy peachy good ;-)If i cannot offload here, then where else could i heyy?!

I love Inyamu's pages,she always has something uplifting:

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you."

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

So when do you get married anyways? (A blatantly honest post)


*This Post has been edited whilst maintaining it's original underlying intent, *

This note is borne out of being awake at one p.m due to a wandering mind that will not let be. Hence, it may have no structure – as typical of many other t.notes. The crux of my question is, when does a man get married? Seriously.

I have realized a lot of things during this past one year. One of them is the plain fact that i spent the whole of my previous years in lagos cooking up excuses to fleet away from the whole cabal of marital life. It was, after i get a better job, after i finish my professional exams, after i get a bigger appartment, up until the best and last one – “after i’ve gotten a masters from an FT ranked Business school.” Well it all worked so far until this moment where i am tidying up my dissertation to submit, and the question is coming back to bite me. Only that this time, i have clearly run out of excuses. So help me out, when does a guy get married anyways?

I accept the fact that the audacity of this post and my underlying reticence to the institution of marriage might be ironic, even a seeming disregard to the many who are doing best to deal with the depression brought by parents and peers who keep badgering them with the opposite end of the question in their own right of ‘when will you find a man and settle down?!”

Maybe in my own unrequired honesty via these notes, i might provide a hint of clue to the other side of the coin from the man’s perspective. Or maybe all of this will still not make sense....

As i have said earlier, the past one year has been a pandora’s box of learning curves for me, as day in day out, i faced up to the worst of me, like i many times poured out into these pages. I do not reject any of my experiences, even the ones i repent of. I point this out to highlight my most recent excuse to the question of this post, which i coined thus: I will get married after i have tasted ..........................I point out non-regret, because my intentions in all have remained noble, i have not put anybody in any compromising position (fact), .................but still i have not answered the underlying question. And as a friend of mine quoted recently on FB...it is no use investing your hard spent life in someone you are not going to commit too—it is bad investment. Is it?

The question bit harder over this weekend as i headed out to a reunion resort trip with a bunch of old friends. On my way i passed by musco’s town, called him up as usual, (See i am ever so faithful to that man) but as usual, he didn’t pick up his phone. (Later he’ll be preaching to me. I wonder what he’s always doing sef!). Anyways, the jarring point of the weekend shinding was me finding myself the centerpoint of same ole ruddy question- since i was apparently the last of the pack still purposefully riding the crest of bachelorhood with no seeming indication of nearing any formal commitment. T.Notes man, what are you waiting for?! When are gonna get married?! I replied every of the question with xteristic humour, cynic cut-backs, sarcasms and many a evil winks. I thought i did pretty well as i caught the train back to base at the end of it all, except that their evil deed was already done, leaving the seed of the question properly sold and spawning within me – badgering throughout the three hour train trip.



I will continue the rest of these meandering thoughts back in bed. Trip was long and i am tired, but i will leave with these final thoughts....I know that i hate the idea of allowing my life to become normal and predictable, hence i refuse to make a commitment. I know that i selfishly covert my freedom too much to want to give it away to the bounds of marital commitment. I know that i am scarred of getting old and i hold a thought that once i get married and one kid pops, then i am on the fast track to retirement. I know that i struggle way too hard with too many of my evil devices, so i wonder how i will ever forever remain faithfull to one person. I know that i despise all of the paparazzi that Nigerians have made the whole of marriage become. I hate the jamboree, the attention, the glitz...please let be! I just see it as, if i am going to give in and do this, i know it might be a hard road ahead when i consider all of my devices, but i know that i would want to give the best to the person i commit to, i know that i have my moral wits around me. So i would opt for a quiet union in London, and face the rest of the ordeal in quietness and help from God! I fear that when they make a big deal out of the whole wedding thing, two weeks afterwards, i might decide that, babe, ehmm,this thing ain’t working ooo!!!So all that said, when and how could i possibly get married?!!When will i wake up and finally ‘get it’! Will that ‘moment’ ever come?

Musco asked me recently that, what’s so special about Tz anyways, is she so breathtaking such that i am stupidly willing to risk all of the common sense of all i have spent years of lives building?! The answer to that question may be relevant here. I can’t get married to Tz, (lol) she’s too wild at heart. But recently, we sat down and casually discussed marriage and as i guessed, i found her listing for herself every one of my own mis-inclinations/reasons not to get married. She wasn’t being callous or racey...instead she had the similar distant reflective look that i have right now casually typing these words, as she finished off finally looking my way and concluding...why should i get married T—however ways we consider it, it’s not going to end well - someone will just end of getting hurt. Give me good reason that stands, and i will get married.

In as much as this is a personal reflection...if you are reading (as i would be sometime in the near future), understand that I do not conclude out of arrogance, but out of frank wonder and quietness.

Good night...jeez i am tired!



P.S: Arike, i cannot seem to be able to access you blog URL. if you could paste it into a reply,would love to hop into your soup soon!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

The word-less...



...between me and YOU...
Even if this was all we achieved...
But yet still,i dare to reach out for more.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

GOOD NEWS!!!!

Your Boy, T.Notes,Got a Fulltime Proper job,in the U.K!!!!



A global bank (name withheld),head office in London, resuming september 2011!
And i'm not even done with dissertation yet!!!!

GBAM!!!

AWESOME GOD!!!

Friday, June 24, 2011

Random tweets....

Trying too hard...



...reading and running fin.stat programs all day-8a.m....now 10pm...5days a week...barely 4hours sleep inbetween...cranky...eyes red shot....i think i'm the only one left in the software rooms in the whole business school....and i've got work early tomorrow morn.

...the thing is,i'm sooo close to that mark,and for whatever the selfish reason,i really really want that first!Maybe for me,maybe to shut the mouth of all these snooty kids,i want to walk proud when they take the roll call for the distinctions. Maybe the only blackfaced geek among the lot...

...if i can only just figure out this other new component analysis,the result might be astounding..that is if i'm doing it right in the first place??But maybe,just maybe that might do it.....head aches!Trying way too hard.

S.

Friday, June 17, 2011

This will not end well...

and i know it....
...but i'm acting like a silly child and not heeding the obvious warnings.
We should stop this whilst it still makes sense and the damage is near minimal.

You are going to fuck up my whole life...
Starting with making me listen to Monica!



But you know...the giddiness is a high that's soo addictive....
...then one kiss....

This will not end well...
and i know it.

Where's that anal T.Notes when i need him?!

*fuck*fuck*fuck*!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

*When I am dead*

You know the thing i hate most about dying??It's the sexlessness!!!



I think death was the worst of the punishments inflicted on mankind, that as well as old age where your body gets utterly useless it can't even feel for good sex anymore! #myopinion#: Sex is just about the best thing we got to keep after the fall. And the one thing i'm still wary about heaven is the fact that i still cannot find any good reference that talks about sex up there. It's all good to have peace and sanity and rest and being with God, but honestly God, this business about no mention of good rauncy sex,it gives me concern honestly!



I am afraid of death. Scares me shitless. And i wonder why? Afterall i think i've pretty much ticked off the necessary visa's for a hopefully smooth transitioning to the life thereafter.

I think it's the pain. Like you know how sickness can rape the body-like the merciless grim reaper till the final whisper of breath is sucked out in an agonozing spasm. That's why i hate visiting clinics. When i finally go,I hope i close my eyes with a quiet smile.

I hope Christ comes back just before i die. After i have fully lived out my days and i'm dealing with the drudgery of old age. Then Christ calls saints upwards and kazaam,i get back a youthful body and get to start all over again. I'd hate to wait in the grave. Its too quiet down there.

I hate to loose people that are close to me. My heart breaks. And admittedly, for some i don't even know how i could ever live without. I'd rather just draw my own curtains instead and have them live on added years. At least i'd be watching over them from above. I hate the pain of loss. That's what makes true love a little complicated. When you love someone so hard that your soul gets interwoven like a messy quilt,what happens when one of you goes?

Have you read C.S Lewis biography 'surprised by joy? When she finally died...and how his life got shattered...
"To try to exclude the possibility of suffering which the order of nature and the existence of free-wills involve, and you find that you have excluded life itself." So maybe we take it all, the good and the bad.

You know they say some people pre-envision their death before it comes. Hey,maybe if i die, then i'd be one of those people who left behind a mystery!If you have to write a post about me, you can link this tiny page here where i once spilled a little of my concern and fears. Sometimes we might tell God that we're not strong enough to handle certain ordeals, and He'd reply quietly saying only He knows what we're strong enough to handle. Yet i'd shrug and say it again, "i hope things go well,i truly am not sure if i am strong enough to handle certain things."

Saturday, May 21, 2011

I h*a*t*e Blogging!

It is really as simple as that!



Oh,and to be honest,i really don't like some bloggers. They just act and talk alot of s*h#iT! P.S...if i have ever confessed my love to you on your blogg,then i really do want to hook up with you. If however i dislike you,i just skim thru,SMH and usually leave no comments,at least until now.



I think i'm a crummy mood and just took it out on someone. WTH..whatever!

Friday, May 13, 2011

Bitter Sweet Victories: Still Standing, Standing Still.

PostGrad Term2 Results were awesome!

It's bittersweet because aside from that, everything is pretty much a mess.
(Side laughs),you don't even want to know the extent,so let's just leave that one between me and the God who only can sort things out at this level...

But in the awesomely encouraging words of inyamu's eldorado,we might be barren and broken,but still blessed and beautiful!

On my replay list is:





You know the kind of victories where you want to laugh out loud, but you can't because the celebration seems like a lone gem amidst of so much mess all around.

Results were awesome,as in,really.

S.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

All T.Notes go to Heaven!

T.Notes gave his Life to Jesus and got baptised yesterday!



No more flirting with female bloggers, No more escapades. From now on, All T.Notes go to heaven!!!Aye Aye!!!

Then today, we settled down in the library to kill off some dissertation work, and guess who saunters in?! Ooooh,this born again thing!Ever notice that there's atimes a fine divide line between the commitments you make in prayers and when you open your eyes to 'real life afterwards"?



T.Baby!

Saturday, April 30, 2011

The Quiet...



In between here....and here,is unspoken pain,the late night ponderings of what in heaven have i done,am i doing...as we crest from short highs to much longer valley lows...

In between here...and here,are the untold stories inbetween...being stranded at 3am in another town far from 'home',the doctor's appointments for worry induced sickness,the curses and the sighs, which make no sense in the end because we still pick ourselves up in the morn and better get back to it. (Ironu o san gbese is what the yorubas say,i.e postulations and ponderings do not pay the bills.)

In between here...and here is where i was yesterday and where i am today, and even though it makes no rational sense comparing for decisions already made,i still do earnestly hope that this all makes sense. You know how the hebrews slaves used to wonder that, maybe Isreal/captivity really wasn't that bad when you think about it here in this hot desert.

In between here...and here,is a brief quiet, a sort of momentary pause,before we get back to the grind. You know what really really smarts about the whole thing is,you just cannot do crap about it,except to just keep moving,one step after the other,keep walking...even though this note is hardly adequate to communicate...

...But he knows the way that I take...Job 23:10,right???Just tell me it'll be fine,and i'll make it through another couple of weeks.

S.

P.S: T.Notes is temporarily incarcerated in the wardrobe screaming something about running behind on BET Award nominations. If you are interested in getting the bugger to new york to grab that award,then visit yada mag and drop your vote.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Now that I am Almost Famous!!!!

Hey Folks, I've been mentioned on live BET talk show!!!


Yes,you got that right,and even more exciting, i've been put up for their online personality of the year award!Cool Uh?!!!


Well to be frank,I'd say I wonder if those folks confused my name with someone else,but nonetheless,ya'll have to put your festering beef and (rightfully-so) green eyed monsters (jealousy) aside, and rush over to BET to vote for me!!!I can see it now, my name in shimmering lights all over 106&Park!!!!Haaaa....See Mummy,I told you, I told you i'd make it one day!!!


So,there are two things you have to note:

1.Without a doubt,I intend to have my own full blown award french kiss!!!So,to my fly female buddies who've got a current U.S Visa,I'll be needing a date!Let's discuss that off blogger.


2. Rush over to the voting pages here and drop your vote everywhere you see T.Notes!In order words, go here and Plesh your hands plsssss,Plesh your hands!!!

3.Much Loves to the Folks at Yada Magazine,who are doing a fantastic job over there!And thank you for the recognition....because,really,what do i know anyways?!!!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

She likes a "Black" Man and other Notes.



This ought to be quick.

She says she feels safer with a "Black Man" in the house.
She says she likes the extra buff, the broad shoulders, and the manly chiselled features.

She says the "Black Man" is resourceful...
He stays up all night thinking of how to sort out the problems,
and she is able to sleep sound, trusting that he will have a solution in the morning.

She says she likes that he is 'street', and at the same time a bad ass professional.
She likes the combination of rugged and smart...
She thinks it is rare.

She says she likes his spirituality..
she doesn't necessarily believe it all the time,
but she says its reassuring that He is close to someone,something bigger than everything.

She says she likes to walk hand in hand with him on the roads,
it feels different,daring...
yet comfortable, because people are afraid of what is different.

She says she likes his hands,
...tough,wide,able to grasp hold of...'things'..and 'other things'...
She says....she says...she says....

And the crux of it all is, I think she's right.
What do you think about your chocolate brother?

In other T.Notes.

1.Welcome back SOSEXY
Like,WHERE THE HECK HAVE YOU BEEN?!!!

2. I'm walking tall to pay the last and final instalment of my fees today! The relief,cannot be explained in words. No debts,no further instalments, no oweing any corporation for 15years.It's done done done!!!

3. I only mention number 2, because, if God can be good enough to sort me out, then, without a doubt, keep trusting too!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

A very messed up Note!!!



Without needing to state the obvious,you will notice i have pretty much messed up this page!!!!I assumed a house re-do will only take a second,but clearly it's going to need some seating down. So for the mo,just assume i do not exist, and ignore my wahala for now. I will content myself on being a nuisance on your own pages till i put this back together again!

Cheers peeps!

If you've not Lol'ed at this, you are soo wrong!!!

Oh jeez,that is soo legendary!!!!LMAO!!!Ensure you watch to the very very end!!!



Cracks me up every time!!!

Saturday, April 9, 2011

How to kill a mocking blogg. (911, PLEASE READ!)

People, we have a situation on hand! I will speed blog this; hope to make sense and get back to trying to sort out this mess!

My mobile alarm woke me up today at two p.m, with that sledgehammer hangover ‘ish feeling and no recollection of the previous night’s events - I already knew it wasn’t going to be a good day. I tried to reach over for the painkillers on the nearby table, but my movement was hindered by a curious weight on my chest. The weight stirred, lazily pulled some blond hair away from its face and smiled, “Hi Notes.”. I was confused.

“Do i know you?”
She giggled, and as she did, i observed she was stark naked, because her badonkadonk bounced rhythmically. “You’re funny T.” She replied lazily.

I noticed then that i was also naked. So my mind was clearing and quickly taking stock of a bad situation. There was a naked, very sexy Asian girl on my bad; the bed side table was littered with empty sachets of condom packs, meaning this mistake was premeditated; she was calling me T.Notes-which is bad, because drunken sex orgies should not awaken with either parties knowing each other’s name; and finally most important, it was two p.m and i very well remembered that i was scheduled to have a house call meeting with our youth pastor today at two. p.m- i had set the reminder two days ago.

“Uhmm...can you please get dressed.” I tried easing off from underneath her and my movement flipped her over, showing off more..of...that kazonkas heaven. Something i should not be viewing before a prayer meeting. Mena,I blame you for your hand in this. Mena advised me to join the local redeem church near to me. I did. Mena also advised me to loosen up abit this weekend, and i did. Now....Now, the door knocked and i cursed, “F*c!k F%c* F^ck!”

You know how they say when God finally decides to deal with your screw up; he will expose you and do you in nicely. I hurried off the bed and ofcourse heat-seeking love missile was not cooperating with the urgency of the situation. Down! down! down!- bad timing!(P.S, i could write a whole separate blog describing to you the heaveness of Mia’s nakedness and then you might understand!).

“Please, stay in bed!” I reiterated to a now suspicious looking Mia, as i slung on a pair of jeans, almost chocking Godzilla in the process. “Do not, leave the bed!”. I hurried out and went for the door. Pastor Isaac was waiting. He smiled. “Hello Brother S.”

The rest of what happened was pretty fast, and I am still reeling trying to comprehend it all. To summarize it all, Mia did not stay in bed. Mia assumed I was trying to corner off another woman, so she joined me by the door, insisted on seeing who I was trying to ward off MY OWN APPARTMENT, and in the process, (purposefully) flashed some of that heavens to...Pastor Isaac. Things went down hill thereafter. Pastor was livid. He swore, he cursed, he called me a wolf in sheep clothing, a possessed fornicator, a bastard. Then he lost his phonetics and cursed me in pidgin English, and then in thick igbo dialet. But you know,one thing rang in all that Pastor Isaac said to me this afternoon. He said I need deliverance, and I must start with myself. He said, I must expel the immoral brother (or maybe he meant I am expelled from the church- I’m not sure). But I interpret it to mean, I MUST EXPEL T.NOTES!

That scallywag swine, this whole thing is his fault, not mine! So, this is my public letter to T.Notes:



Enough is enough, you scumbag (apparently synonymous to a used condom!)! You have ruined my life well and fair enough, and now, i must expel you like pastor Isaac has adviced! T.Notes is not me. T.Notes is like Beyonce’s sasha fierce, except that he’s not even getting me any record or book deals worth all his meandering with my life! He’s taking over everything like a virus. Nobody knows me anymore, they only know T.Notes. In school, it’s T.Notes, in the club, it’s T.Notes. On twitter, the same scumbag. Every where I try to start something productive and positive, he rears his ugly head and takes over! This is not the first time that i am waking up wasted and trying hard not to remember what I had gotten up to the previous night. And trust me, that has been the least of the problems. So, T.Notes, i am writing this here, because i know that you will return when i am off to productive honest work. I want the whole world to know you for the menace that you have become before i shut your lights finally for good. We’re done men! Done done done! Your days are numbered now. This is your quit notice, so start packing.

And whilst you’re at it getting your mess cleared off my life, kindly tell Mia not to bother calling me back. If you can afford it, go get your own blackberry. Looser!

Signed
S.(the real owner of this blog). Jeez, i need some panadol and What do you think I should do about Pastor Isaac?

Friday, April 8, 2011

Loosing Our Masks: Stripped!



Have you noticed that a number of old timer bloggers are retiring their annonymity??My Sis NaijaLines just did the unthinkable-stop by her blogg and sight the face behind the words we've known for years now Stripped.

Talking about loosing face....I think the end is nearing for T.Notes too. Dunno,seems me and that rascal bugger are at a crossroad where something's gotta give. Either we move into the faced blogging along with my finer respectable veterans,or....i don't know...something's just gotta give.Things have gotten too quiet around here.

I gave it a little shot on another naija community that i pen words. Put up a picture there, and i'm not too sure i like the feeling. Feels naked....naked....Though on a cheerrier note,it's gotten me some nice attention with the ladies!!!!Hahaha!!!Suddenly i'm having alot of friends around there,and finally some renowed respectability!!!I'm getting BB pins,e-mails,and 'ish like free wedding confetti. Jeez,you'd think i was all that...if i might dare so say so myself...ahem!

Truth or Dare uh?

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Published Changes to U.K Immigration laws for PSW

No changes, other than those set out in 7.16 and 7.17 below, are being made to the Tier 1 (Post-Study Work) category, which caters for international graduates who have studied in the UK and wish to work following their graduation.

I've only scanned quickly through the published documents and noted the few changes,which are just slight annoyances, but there are no such changes as the rumours were carrying. You may download and view the documents here, for yourself.

So,please,stop the rumours and face your studies!

Kisses (For the Chics only)

Monday, March 14, 2011

From T.Notes to you..as in really.

A quickie.....

I have a question now. As in,really-this is without all cynicism,and i'd appreciate candid answers.On my way back home today,my mind pondered as usual,and this time, i asked the question,'does it ever really stop?'. No,this time,i am not making crude sexual innuendos or taking quirky jabs of anything sexual related. I'm being frank here,and leading this to a viable concern.

C.S.Lewis implied in the screwtape letters that,a reliable trick to make the human get the impression that a certain temptation never gets better, i.e, they'll never be over it, and they'll fight it for the rest of their lives. Now, when faced with this kind of crude reality, the most human option is to give up and jump ship immediately.C.S Lewis' opinion is that,at some point in time, we mature over whatever the tempt is. I'm not sure i believe that.

I need to flag a warning here before i delve further. It's fine,i kid quite quite alot, but for the average reader,you should undertstand that for most parts,i do my bit to hold myself to a certain level of decorum/order. But i am exposed,quite,and to a large extent,very very f*ckd up. So in essence,you could summise T.N, as a pretty f*ckd up guy who'd trying to make the best of things. You get the drift? Now moving further,because i am pretty much one heck of a job,i happen to find myself in all kinds of..well,unregular situations,and subsequently,the order of the day is usually,oh f*ck,what have you gotten yourself into now, ad how do we sort this out before things get out of order?In essence,i'd say i've spent the most parts of my days, after i decided i want to stop being too f*cked up, basically trying not to screw things up any further.So,my question is, admittedly,because of my past and present issues,i am probably more inclined to find myself in a f scenerio than maybe most people do. So,my question boils down to, will i ever get to the point/place where i am totally convinced and operating on the level where a quick romp is not primary on my mind?

That's part of why i have commitment issues. I don't want to be the kind of man/husband who maintains Mia,Tz,Rs on the side for the days when the disatisfaction with the woman at home surmounts common sense. Which is fine, as a noble intention. But is it attainable?I don't think so.I don't see me as..you know, The Good Man!The stable Man!The reliable husband!Even as much as i want to be..yet i don't even want to be!How do you get content with one person for the rest of your life and kill the inclinations when a pesky text keeps flagging on the other side!

In this so called my bid to be good,i've put up the most ridiculous restraints,you don't even want to know.But on the flip side, whenever i take a step back and examine this my so called life.....is it more noble to try to be noble,than in your bid to be a noble, be a f*ckn liar???And how much longer am i going to keep blowing off all these invites with flimpsy excuses.

...I haven't proofRead this, so if it makes any sense to you...drop a response ;-)

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Well, lookie what i found!



On another T.Notes,Hullos Peepadales!!!!How u been? Got exams tomorrow!Whoop Whoop!And i am typing this under the influence of massive headache,hangovers and need-to-sleep-syndrone!(Did i spell that right??Too lazy to do a spell-check jor!)..Anyways,so i'm wondering...what's the worse that could happen with my present inclination-majorly flirting with my Asian courseMate Mia??What do you think? Here's how my brief delving into the fantasy went today.

So in reality,i'm supposed to meet up with Mia tomorrow after the exam.(But i will be good,as in seriously).So we meet up casually,end up at P.S-the coolest joint for Birm.potatoes&Bear!We chat for a while, then take it to her crib. We're lucky,none of the others are around.Things get a little cozy. But since i'm still the king of the no-sex club,i will only indulge a little this n that. So..flip a lil to earlier picture to get the gist.

So that happens,we're both cool, and we end the day on a nice note. Now Asian girls are reallly nice, but they do tend to get a lil possesive, and you'd better be replying their text on time, or else!!!So...me,i refused to reply text and Mia's not feeling happy about it, thinking i've made her into a cheap thrill. But,i shrug and still do not reply texts. And that is where i start to realize that my school community's actually got a close knit populace of asian guys around, who all of a sudden seem to know Mia and seem to be frowning at me around every corner. In fact,i'm not kidding to say that at every busstop, it seems there's an asian guy lurking closebuy with gritted teeth,just waiting for me to be alone after dark. What is up with these people, have you not heard of the concept of a simple one night stand before, why's everybody taking this thing so personal, i never promised to marry anybody?!!!Jeez!!!

Anyways,now i'm starting to get pissed,and i'm not going to take it standing down!So, yes, you guessed it. We also do have quite a number of my naija guys around too!And you know we're bigger too,bigger,blacker,meaner!So if nobody puts an end to this beef very soon, Hiroshima's gonna be child's play compared to the tribal clash down that's gonna happen in Birm right after the last M.sc exam pens are dropped!

So,watcha think???Should i go ahead still??

Monday, February 21, 2011

Sold Jesus for Sex!



Note-to-Self: I'm telling you that the devil is not even joking around with the level of shit i'm having to deal with these days!It's like how they say,the wiser you get,the more intense his playback antics, sometimes fully damning the usual camouflage of you discovering his twisted existence behind the ploy of things.Like WTH!...Like lately i'm just seriously doing my best to be a real and seriously effective christian,then i have to wake up for a 12am piss-call few seconds ago only to be privy to the last bit of a hushed feminine kitchen talk saying, "...i don't get it with these guys,even if you just want to be sex buddies,just say it!Heck i don't mind being a f*ck friend with...right now!"My ears are ringing full as i stagger quietly back to my room. Why Why Why you gotta be messing with my head like this!I was closing the distance with her only just to be able to invite her to church! At least Judas got paid hard currency for ditching Jesus,me i'd be a far worse asshole abandoning the loftier ideal for a few minutes of multiRacial roll-in-the-hay!

I shouldn't have written this down. I should have gone straight to bed so that when i wake in the morn and remember all this bullwhack,i'd dismiss it all as another wishfull dream that i had. But the girl in the bus was not a wishful reverie, neither was the girl flirting by the printer earlier today!I tell you,someone is trying to bring me down,and burst my reinforced spiritual high,and i blame it on the devil!Or blame myself...i should gone straight to bed instead of staying up watching skins with C.....MUMBLE GRUMBLE SCHUMBLE!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Frank Sinatra, a night full of kisses, and please do not step on my toes!!!



It was going to be a freezing night as usual, but i’d insisted she wear the short sunny yellow skirt that arrived her door post by M&S delivery. She’d called immediately squealing that she absolutely absolutely loved it - but there was no way she was putting it on until the first glimpses of spring came through. We had a giggly argument, you know the kind that Lauren Graham and Alexis Bledel have killed us with every Friday night on the WB for the past 5years running the Gilmore girls TV series. I won this time; the suspense wove its magic into her usual obstinate self. Haha!

Three hours later, i was in the taxi underneath her window and calling her for the uptenth time. “If you do not show up in a minute, i am i am....speechless!” The skirt fitted perfectly, showing off her long slim legs and begging you to hike it up further for a peek-a-boo. She struck a playful pose by the doorway. The taxi driver spoilt the magic of the moment by honking and beckoning at the meter which had been running the past ten minutes. She hurried into the car. I planted the first kiss.

“I have a presentation tomorrow which i haven’t completed; i’m not prepared for the strategy test next week; we’d better be back home before ten pm, or else...”The second kiss, this time longer, ate up whatever was to become of her harmless threat. Gosh, gotta love those lips.

“Tonight..”I concluded for her, “...Business school has a date with the toilet cistern, and the two of us...well you’ll find out.”

I really really am not much of a romantic, but creative T.Notes can do. So it didn’t take much yesterday when browsing online to get the feeling i needed to recreate for a fun romantic and cheap sort of getaway night! And all i’d need was Frank Sinatra, a hundred kisses distributed through the night and little bit of feet shuffling. Well that last bit would be difficult, but i figured i could easily wangle my way through it. Just watch me. Cha Cha cha. Who said your naija brother cannot dance?!

So we got dropped off at a local costa coffe on Dale end.
“Coffee?!”She shrieked with obvious disprove. “We could have done that at home-close to the central heating!”
The third kiss! You see, one thing about making a date memorable is to maintain a consistency in a particular doing. Mine for tonight was the kisses, kiss her a gazillion times all through the night. Nothing sexual, just playful. On the lip, on the check, on the forehead, and whenever it started to heat up, tap your feet and allow the music flicker you away. (No use getting a hard-on when you’d be sashaying in clear wide open view). And kisses, that was not going to cost me a dime! Haha.

Danielle met us by the doorway. “Hi T.N. This way please.” She urshered us in. Yz raised a suspicious eyebrow as we made our way through the usual coffee congregation, through a backroom, and into a wide wooden plated dancing room. Red translucent light shimmered frequently all about the place. Another note on memorability. Look for a venue that has a particular something that you do not see everyday.

“Awww...a dance class?” She inquired with that kind of childish enthusiasm that set off a fit of content laughter.
“Nope. A Frank Sinatra dance class.” And the music hit off, “I’ve got you under my skin...” And my feet found life of their own as i managed to mimic that Sinatra signature finger tapping whilst notioning, ‘watch the magic feet now.'

If you want to get a proper feel of last night, go to youtube now, and rock some frank Sinatra along with me..I’ve got you under my skin...but why should i try to resist when baby i know so damn well that i’ve got you under my skin....ooooh yeah....DANCE!



I dare say i did quite quite well.