tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19407343467184275812024-03-14T09:38:19.846-07:00T.Notes...T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.comBlogger216125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-12627057810618531612022-01-22T08:25:00.006-08:002022-01-22T08:25:50.184-08:00T.Notes#63: Brave<p>A thousand sermons and theological debates</p><p>will not save you.</p><p>I own you.</p><p>She whispered.</p><p><br /></p><p>Shaken by her honesty and spellbound audacity</p><p>He collected the precious memories of his depravity,</p><p>Kissed her,</p><p>And finally understood the assignment.</p><p><br /></p><p>He searched furtively for whatever was left of common sense</p><p>For those medicinal qualities</p><p>Hidden down the corridors of introspection.</p><p><br /></p><p>It was no longer about gods and witchcraft.</p><p>It was pride and self respect of a man.</p><p>It was unyielding desperation to attain the impossible.</p><p><br /></p><p>September is near</p><p>and in need of the miraculous</p><p>Yet stuck in these trenches</p><p>Far from grace.</p><p><br /></p><p>Do you remember that video recording</p><p>The one we swore would be a bad idea.</p><p>Alexa, play Moriah Peters - Brave.</p><p><br /></p><p>Eve's offspring crushed the serpent's head</p><p>And now,</p><p>You,</p><p>being His offspring,</p><p>You can,</p><p>You will,</p><p>You must,</p><p>Do the same. - Jackie Hill Perry.</p><p><br /></p><p>These are my T.Notes</p><p>And we are still fighting.</p><div><br /></div>T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-83853359226260362012021-11-20T22:02:00.003-08:002021-11-20T22:02:36.277-08:00T.Notes#62: Desperate people<p> Desperate people</p><p><br /></p><p>Lately i've been thinking</p><p>That I want to dance,</p><p>with the world unhibited</p><p>To hold hands and laugh,</p><p>This is me; these words are us</p><p>But i stutter breathless.</p><p><br /></p><p>Your silence was bought by the Devil</p><p>Paid in kind,</p><p>by black stilettos,</p><p>and god forsaken sensuality.</p><p><br /></p><p>I can say this here</p><p>I can park these truths here</p><p>To ponder them from a distance</p><p>Far away from my own near perfection.</p><p><br /></p><p>But where does desperate devotion end,</p><p>And heresy begin instead?</p><p>To the creator of this mind,</p><p>State your intention,</p><p>Claim your prize!</p><p><br /></p><p>69 times i have tried to drown,</p><p>this blog,</p><p>this good head,</p><p>this desperate dissatisfaction,</p><p>But everytime i read these words</p><p>My soul is stilled.</p><p><br /></p><p>And i know,</p><p>That the further i wander from you,</p><p>the more i deeply understand</p><p>how my soul needs you.</p><p>Yet my heart will not keep still.</p><p>And my doubts rage still.</p><p><br /></p><p>So my feet take flight again</p><p>If God will not come,</p><p>Then i will.</p><p>I will</p><p>Oh yes Jesus, I will!</p><p>Oh dear balm of Gilead,</p><p>Take all my money and devotion!</p><p><br /></p><p>Can your God solve every problem</p><p>Or do you sometimes</p><p>Need a numbing shot of whiskey?</p><p><br /></p><p>There was a girl who spent up her life</p><p>Singing desperate songs to God</p><p>Till her voice and hope wore thin.</p><p><br /></p><p>Dear Jesus,</p><p>she whispered,</p><p>I have tried my best,</p><p>I can't sing no more.</p><p><br /></p><p>I guess what i'm trying to say is,</p><p>I listened to an old Audrey Assad cd last night </p><p>She said,</p><p>"After everything I've had.</p><p>After everything I've lost.</p><p>Lord, I know this much is true,</p><p>I'm still drawn to you.…"</p><p>(Audrey Assad, Drawn to you)</p><p><br /></p><p>I have been chasing fireflies and gold speckled butterflies.🦋</p><p>Today i paused to smell my own rose garden.</p><p>These are my T.Notes,</p><p>I hope God still reads blogs.</p><div><br /></div>T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-53588612982268542622021-11-02T03:09:00.000-07:002021-11-02T03:09:09.397-07:00T.Notes#61: Fireflies<p> I have been chasing fireflies and gold speckled butterflies.🦋</p><p>The creative mind is blessed and cursed by wild fantasy.</p><p><br /></p><p>Crazy people who spend their lives chasing wonder, trying to create illusive eternal satisfaction.</p><p>Today i paused to smell my imperfect rose garden.</p><p><br /></p><p>Someday we must put away our wandering shoes</p><p>Fold up our wings and get into bed with contentment.</p><p><br /></p><p>There once was a woman who bled for twelve years.</p><p>She spent all her days desperately trying to be healed</p><p>But none could satisfy her.</p><p><br /></p><p>I am the one who has tasted the world.</p><p>But my wandering feet are wiser and tired now.</p><p>They say Jesus is perfect</p><p>Help me hang these shoes.</p><p><br /></p><p>I heard an old childhood melody today</p><p>Jesus loves me, this i know.</p><p>Your fantasies will never satisfy you</p><p>That is why they are called fantasies.</p><p>Maybe this is why the gospel endears my heart.</p><p><br /></p><p>Creativity also is, the power or process of creating especially unrealistic or improbable mental images and object of fantasy in response to unattended psychological need.</p>T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-62130565750848428382021-08-28T00:11:00.002-07:002021-09-10T22:09:55.480-07:00T.Notes#60: Impatient people<p>I met a girl who said she felt closest to God</p><p>after the guilt of intentional sin.</p><p>We spoke about weed, doctrine and grace.</p><p>Then I digressed....</p><p>The new house has a lush green lawn so i have become something of an enthusiatic garderner and really loving it! I have red roses, acer plants, white lilies, conifers - all looking stunning.🌻</p><p>Recently i bought some lawn treatment which promised me perfectly grown, weed-free lawn in 5 weeks. I applied the treatment on monday and commenced a daily routine of inspecting the lawn - waiting for promised perfection.⏰</p><p>However perfection wasn't coming quick enough - this ofcourse is the story of my life. Instead, my previously near-perfect lawn was getting muddy-black as the weeds around it also died. This was expected. It said so on the lawn treatment instructions, that the grass would blacken then re-grow after 3 - 5 weeks.🤔</p><p>However i have decided i simply can't wait 5 whole weeks with my lawn looking a sorry state. I prefer it's former outward-looking beauty, even though ridden with weeds underneath. I couldn't wait any longer for promised perfection. So i did what every impatient person would do - i cheated on the process.🙈</p><p>So after just 3days, i bought some quick-grow grass fertiliser, doused it all over the lawn and satisfied my impatience. This new gospel promised beauty in 3 days! And guess what, my grass is growing super fast now! It is returning to it's former outward beauty and so is the ugly weed quickly growing underneath!🦂</p><p><br /></p><p>These are my T.notes - gaps and symbolism well intentioned🙄</p>T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-1680063994686238282021-04-04T05:57:00.003-07:002021-04-04T05:58:21.721-07:00T.Notes#59: Anxious people<p>I don't know exactly</p><p>when i became</p><p>anxious.</p><p><br /></p><p>It has sort of always been there,</p><p>Lurking in the background,</p><p>Staring out the window</p><p>Waiting for the worst to happen.</p><p><br /></p><p>Sometimes it makes me Superhuman</p><p>Spurred by the constant need</p><p>To outperform,</p><p>To surpass expectations.</p><p><br /></p><p>Other times it is an intense period of self sabotage</p><p>Breathless.</p><p>The wild things we do</p><p>to drown the urgent voices in our head.</p><p><br /></p><p>I have met anxious imperfect people</p><p>Who played life like a reckless game of poker.</p><p>Dear foolish ones who look frighteningly just like me.</p><p><br /></p><p>Indulging these fantasies</p><p>Is like jumping off a cliff</p><p>Hoping that God remembered to strap a bungee cord.</p><p>Things not to do when we are anxious.</p><p><br /></p><p>Mama used to hand me secret round pills</p><p>And promise it will get better when i became a man.</p><p>What she really meant was</p><p>Grow up, get a job</p><p>and pay your own therapy.</p><p><br /></p><p>I once watched a man tell his woman</p><p>that he was tired and nervous.</p><p>She pulled away quickly and left him stranded on the front porch</p><p>I desperately wished the fool had steadied his crown.</p><p><br /></p><p>She returned with a flickering joint,</p><p>Made him sit within her gaping thighs</p><p>And proceeded quietly to plait his Afro into fine bantu knots.</p><p>A Queen.</p><p><br /></p><p>She sang,</p><p>"Dont let your heart be troubled</p><p>Hold your head up high</p><p>Take Courage</p><p>Be Strong</p><p>Remember where your help comes from."</p><p><br /></p><p>I know exactly the day i became anxious</p><p>A scawny child standing out in the rain,</p><p>Gripping a rusty gate and learning to count the big numbers.</p><p>Waiting for a grey Nissan that didn't return.</p><p><br /></p><p>What can i do to be saved?</p><p>A desperate man once asked.</p><p>They told him about a God</p><p>Who could calm the raging storms inside.</p><p>These are my T.Notes</p><p>Please mind the gap.</p>T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-62647715039905888672020-11-24T08:17:00.004-08:002020-11-24T08:17:50.528-08:00T.Notes#58: Lately i've been thinking...<p> Sixty-nine million words,</p><p>Fifteen life changing decisions,</p><p>Seven countries,</p><p>And i still haven't found what i'm looking for.</p><p><br /></p><p>Lately i've been thinking</p><p>About what the pinnacle of satisfaction looks like.</p><p>When do you know</p><p>that you have achieved what your wandering heart is searching for?</p><p><br /></p><p>I have watched myself every night</p><p>stare absently at a boiling tea kettle,</p><p>nibbling cotton candy to quench my hunger,</p><p>whilst my faith fizzles back and forth like careless steam,</p><p>and reckless thoughts of flight teases my mind again.</p><p><br /></p><p>Lately i've been thinking...</p><p>That the idea of being deeply spiritual</p><p>is a beautiful thing</p><p>But it can also lead you</p><p>into some very messed up life decisions.</p><p>God save our souls.</p><p><br /></p><p>I read about how every decision we make becomes part of the story of our life.</p><p>They say someday you would like to sit</p><p>with your kids or spouse and tell your story.</p><p>But you will pause and wonder which chapters are better censored or erased..</p><p><br /></p><p>Lately i've been thinking...</p><p>That it is easy to find laughter.</p><p>To find an idea that tickles your soul</p><p>And just let it rip - laugh out loud and long</p><p>And by God, do it all over again.</p><p><br /></p><p>So last night we roasted Corn and "Boli'</p><p>on a garden spitfire grill</p><p>Whilst it snowed outside in Canada</p><p>Making mockery of our laughable attempts to recreate childhood memories.</p><p><br /></p><p>Lately i've been thinking...</p><p>That the Bible is full of reckless promises</p><p>Never will I leave or forsake you.</p><p>You don't even know me</p><p>Or do You?</p><p><br /></p><p>Yet here we are..</p><p>Returning every day from your rented life,</p><p>To crawl through murky waters</p><p>of your own errors and cruel intentions </p><p>To find a sit at the foot of Kings.</p><p><br /></p><p>Lately i've been thinking...</p><p>About how it is easier to worship my emotions</p><p>But if you stay long enough</p><p>I promise you will hear a quiet voice,</p><p>Saying this is the way you should go.</p><p><br /></p><p>But what about OCD traits which have rudely taken over our minds</p><p>Yet time after time,</p><p>The same stupid obsessive introspection</p><p>Will pull us safely from our own worst inclinations</p><p><br /></p><p>Lately i've been thinking...</p><p>That i still haven't found what i'm looking for.</p><p>But hope is the untiring expectation</p><p>That joy will come someday.</p><p><br /></p><p>So I beg you again to consider</p><p>That the skies will not fall</p><p>The heavens will not cave in.</p><p>Oh I wish that you'd breathe</p><p>And save room in our wandering</p><p>For hope and for tomorrows.</p><p><br /></p><p>Lately i've been thinking...</p><p>Dear Jesus, </p><p>This mind will not let me be</p><p>So I have been thinking...</p><p><br /></p><p>That you play that same song on repeat</p><p>Every night tossing on your bed</p><p>As if battling with your desperate soul</p><p>To accept the uneasy notion</p><p>That just maybe</p><p>God is intentionally good to you.</p><p><br /></p><p>Lately i've been thinking.</p><div><br /></div>T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-24176929356299931462020-10-28T09:11:00.003-07:002020-10-28T09:11:29.184-07:00T.Notes#57: The ones who wandered and wrestled<p> =Lagos=</p><p>I lost my faith🥀</p><p>=Lagos=</p><p>I lost my faith</p><p>in a crowded hospital parking lot</p><p>Clutching final medical results for a dear one</p><p>And screaming my lungs</p><p>like a badly written script.</p><p><br /></p><p>=Flight=</p><p>Sometimes we take flight🦅</p><p>It is not absurd</p><p>When life forces you to lose faith</p><p>in simple things like</p><p>Prayer, hope and a God of justice.</p><p>We are only human.</p><p><br /></p><p>=Accra=</p><p>We found a local banku joint🍻</p><p>And allowed the day idle away</p><p>until the canteens closed shops</p><p>and the kitchen stewards exchanged cutleries for stilettoes and flavored condoms.</p><p>These are the days of our lives.</p><p><br /></p><p>=Punta Cana=</p><p>Heaven pardon our intoxicated nights🎭</p><p>Reggae dancehall, Konshens,</p><p>cheap alcohol damning every boundary of decency.</p><p>Skin, sweat and inhibited sexuality of total strangers mangled into each other. </p><p><br /></p><p>=Paris=</p><p>Days we'd go any length to feel alive🐂</p><p>As if holding our own lives by its cuffs,</p><p>acting out and daring heaven's attention.</p><p>Whilst the local choir reminded us in the morning that we were bruking off our souls closer to damnation.</p><p><br /></p><p>=Wandering home🏚=</p><p>Dad used to talk about</p><p>making it to heaven</p><p>on a broken wing and a tired prayer.</p><p>With our multitude of questions abandoned </p><p>this side of eternity,</p><p>Doubts and anger exchanged for wonder.</p><p><br /></p><p>=London=</p><p>I found my faith on a rainy monday🦋</p><p>It returned bandy legged, sensibly cynical</p><p>and no longer demanding the heavens</p><p>for my share of the miraculous.</p><p>An unsensational type of faith</p><p>In an assuredly quiet and sturdy sort of way</p><p><br /></p><p>=Today=</p><p>I am that guy🍃</p><p>Who is looking past your kodak charm</p><p>To fall in love instead</p><p>With the stunning bookcase behind you</p><p>Wondering if you read Tozer</p><p>And if you are also broken like me.</p><p><br /></p><p>=Remembering=</p><p>If heaven reads a blog✒</p><p>Tell Dad that i am the wild one</p><p>who wandered and wrestled..</p><p>And after all is said, done and broken</p><p>I think i am still hanging on</p><p>Four years and counting</p><p>On a wing and a quiet prayer.</p><p>This is remembering.</p><div><br /></div>T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-30248168779750993042020-10-01T04:05:00.003-07:002020-10-01T04:05:59.244-07:00T.Notes#56: COW (Chronicles of a wrong decision)<p> I analysed the Situation,🤓</p><p>I took my Shot,🔫</p><p>Now i am Screwed.🙆♂️</p><p>I call this one, COW🐴</p><p>aka</p><p>Chronicles Of a Wrong Decision🐮</p><p><br /></p><p>This is a blog of note. It will be brief, honest and uncoded.</p><p><br /></p><p>Exactly one year ago, i conducted a careful long term analysis of my career prospects. It was honestly going great but the prospects for future pay increases was starting to flatten, which is not in line with my needs. Plus i was conscious of meeting a certain salary target before a certain age.</p><p><br /></p><p>So i whipped out my honestly impressive CV, concluded a few rounds of interviews and accepted a senior role in a bank. There was a good deal of providence involved in the whole situation, but let's leave that for now. P.S, I really like the defination of providence - protective care of God or of nature as a spiritual power.</p><p><br /></p><p>From day one stepping into the place, I knew i was going to dislike it and that view has not really changed. I dislike the extreme notice-me politics, i dislike that there are only a handful of black people in the bank. The WHOLE BANK - Five black people! I dislike working till 2am everyday and being told we have not met the target.</p><p><br /></p><p>The only thing i like is the money and the supposed prestige. My linkedin community think i am a big deal but that is so far from the truth. It is a title and it sounds great yes, but the reality beneath the title is a hot mess. I have learnt not to covert anybody's life because you don't know their discontent. I am also thankful for working from home since covid broke out. It has lessened my migraines.</p><p><br /></p><p>I started feeling boxed into a corner. I hate feeling cornered and i extremely loathe office politics which indicated that i might not do so well here. Born nigerian, i am not wired that way - we are either direct to the point, to your face or there is nothing to say. So less that one year in role, i whipped out that CV again which suddenly did not look impressive anymore. Infact it looked pretty desperate in my opinion. Why do you want to leave your current role less than one year in? Oh, i realised it was a COW decision.🤷♂️</p><p><br /></p><p>It got crazy to the extent that i'd accept any job, even a junior role- just get me out of this place fast! However this time, we are in the middle of a freak pandemic; everyone is looking for a job, so the prospects for me was never going to be good. So after twenty rounds of desperate interviews, nobody was convinced about my blagging on why i will not jump ship again. </p><p><br /></p><p>So here we are and I'd love for this story to have a happy ending, but it does not. Sometimes life does not have happy endings or maybe i am simply in that 'in-between' part of the story before it all makes sense. At the moment it does not and my middle name feels like COW. I realise i should be thankful, yes i know that. But there is a certain type of internal turmoil that exceeds explanation or spiritualising. You can't fake happiness.</p><p><br /></p><p>You know that narrative about how Noah entered this big ole boat and God shut the door, literaly boxing him in - that is how it feels. Shut in with the wolves, snakes and crazy monkeys. I used to imagine if Noah could have opened that door himself to bail out at some point, because it seems like i surely can't in my case. Besides, someone once said 'who the Lord has blessed, no man can curse.' So the reverse is quite likely to be true. An gross exaggeration but you get the point.</p><p><br /></p><p>So where i am now, you ask? I know that my discontent has given alarming free reins to my excessivess. I am also writing motivational quotes and praying everyday to maintain my sanity. And i stay active like the rest of us professional liars on linkedin. I do believe that all things work together for good. I also know that when we become mere men backed into a corner, you have no choice but the knuckle up and fight. This is what i feel like we are all doing - literally scrambling like rats for the bigger pay cheque. It is not the way to live a life but C'est la vie.</p><p><br /></p><p>In closing, words can save lives.</p><p>Here are some fine words by Kike Oniwinde</p><p>Which totally made sense to me:</p><p>There is beauty in discomfort,</p><p>There is beauty in the process,</p><p>There is discomfort in creating comfort.</p><p>Remember that,</p><p>This is bigger than just you.</p>T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-28335370942838505062020-08-28T02:39:00.003-07:002020-08-28T02:50:48.191-07:00T.Notes#55: August (All i've got)<p>Last night we masked our emotions</p><p>under the pouring rain,</p><div style="text-align: left;">as it finally dawned on us</div><p>That we are never going to be different.</p><p><br /></p><p>I pleaded to know how you felt</p><p>But you drowned out my piety,</p><p>With red wine and that bitter sweet</p><p>Leandria Johnson song,</p><p>All i got.</p><p><br /></p><p>Maybe wild souls were never made to be tamed,</p><p>Created by design</p><p>To amuse the heavens</p><p>With their wild wanderings and errors.</p><p><br /></p><p>Do you remember when we raised our fists to the heavens</p><p>And made honest threats to God?</p><p>We swore that if he ruinned us</p><p>He'd pay dearly for our agony.</p><p>God bless our foolish souls</p><p><br /></p><p>I saw you naked the first time in three years</p><p>Alone in a boutique london hotel.</p><p>We spoke honestly about our imperfections</p><p>About private flaws that only heaven and ourselves know about.</p><p><br /></p><p>So here we are,</p><p>with our mastered theater of external perfection</p><p>Whilst grappling inside with</p><p>a fckd up mind, failing health</p><p>And burnt out spirits buckling under the weight of trying to rise above the impossible.</p><p><br /></p><p>I guess what i am trying to say is,</p><p>I have been trying to get these words,</p><p>These narratives entirely flawless for You.</p><p>Here they are now</p><p>Thirty-something years late and just as flawed as when we first began.</p><p><br /></p><p>I think...</p><p>I think these words are ready now</p><p>I think i am ready now.</p><p>Where do we go from here?</p><p>God knows we can't fall any harder.</p><p><br /></p><p>And the vessel that he made of clay</p><p>was marred in the hand of the potter;</p><p>so he made it again into another vessel,</p><p>as it seemed good to the potter to make.</p><p>Jeremiah 18:4</p><p><br /></p><p>Written to a late night</p><p>background of</p><p>Leandria Johnson,</p><p>All i got.</p><p><br /></p><p>These are my T.Notes</p><div><br /></div>T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-80782251132506581952020-07-24T10:33:00.000-07:002020-07-24T10:33:27.099-07:00T.Notes#54: Taming the ShrewWhen something goes wrong,<br />
My default response is to throw a tantrum,<br />
blame God and make rash decisions.<br />
I am working at it.<br />
I want to be like Obama<br />
Unfrazzled, calculated and smooth.<br />
But my blood pressure is like a reckless danfo driver.<br />
<br />
A Nigerian military regiment<br />
invaded the Newyork stock exchange.<br />
They marched to my desk wielding big guns,<br />
gave a smart salute and announced to the surprise of all my collegues,<br />
That my father, the president had sent a chopper to get me home urgently.<br />
Aye, put a respect on my name!<br />
All hail the chief!<br />
Daydreams.<br />
<br />
I expect God to be my commando warrior<br />
To keep all these madness far from me<br />
Bless me only with beach holidays and margaritas.<br />
Is that even a biblical doctrine?<br />
Instead it seems like heaven is on a long holiday.<br />
Sending me postcards from the Bahamas<br />
Talking about learning to trust in God<br />
Whilst the world and my mind is gone bonkers.<br />
<br />
When i finally became a man<br />
I realised how lonely the masculine experience actually is.<br />
It is not good for man to be alone<br />
In his mind or space.<br />
The problem is, men don't talk.<br />
We work, worry, grunt, drink beer and play with adult toys.<br />
Anything to escape that five minutes of painful introspection.<br />
So we trade precious time for five minutes of wonder.<br />
I think men need God more than we realise.<br />
<br />
Do you remember that quiet night,<br />
You noticed the neighbour's curtains slightly open.<br />
Curious, you turned off your own lights,<br />
Peered closer and discovered wonder.<br />
This is how i feel about a good blog.<br />
A gentle unrestrained access into an untamed mind.<br />
I need a good blog<br />
One that does not indulge me.<br />
<br />
I love when you surrender your mind to a diary<br />
Like a child discovering watercolor in a kindergarteen art class.<br />
And then you become the audience<br />
of your own wild thoughts.<br />
Like lighting a blunt on a lazy saturday,<br />
Fireflies playing on the radio,<br />
And a local girl weaving your afro into bantu knots.<br />
<br />
This post is about learning to find quiet.<br />
There is a charming restaurant in the Philippines<br />
It is called "Van Gogh is bipolar'<br />
It welcomes clients to celebrate their imperfections, embrace their flaws,<br />
And light a path to discovering wholeness.<br />
I still haven't found what i'm looking for.<br />
I'm still searching.<br />
I will be found by You.<br />
<br />
These ideas are like tiny birds flutterring above my head.<br />
Ignored till they become like pesky badgering woodpeckers.<br />
The penny finally dropped.<br />
I think too much.<br />
I analyse everything,<br />
I worry excessively.<br />
Someone said I simply need to turn off my brain sometimes.<br />
Be still my soul.<br />
But first, let me worry about what i'd do with the silence.<br />
<br />
I spent last night memorising famous shakesphere quotes, listening to @BessObarotimi,<br />
And analysing stock market activity<br />
All so i appear wildly intelligent for a client engagement in the morning.<br />
You have brought me to this place<br />
So i look up to you to sustain me<br />
I trust you to sustain me<br />
You lift my head.<br />
My scraggly bantu braided knotty head.<br />
<br />
This post is about writing postcards to Jesus<br />
I have a few concerns.<br />
A widowed mother with a failing health,<br />
Mortgages in an economic recession,<br />
Playing russian roulette with a raging pandemic,<br />
And heavy obligations of career decisions.<br />
It is difficult not to worry.<br />
it is tough trying to be like Obama.<br />
<br />
These are my T.Notes.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-54880719027732459502020-07-08T02:10:00.003-07:002020-07-08T02:10:56.475-07:00T.Notes#53: Till i see youMy name is T.Notes<br />
I still like good old fashioned<br />
Anonymous blogs<br />
And the quirky people<br />
You meet through them.<br />
<br />
I have a reckless obsession<br />
For fine words<br />
Delicately pieced together<br />
To exhibit the wonder of a naked soul.<br />
Can i walk with you.<br />
<br />
To those of us who journey<br />
I hope that you find a place of rest<br />
In your wild places.<br />
Away from the unfaithful mob of your own self and life's treachery.<br />
A respite from the tyranny of our wandering minds.<br />
Do you also find beauty in Jeremiah nine?<br />
<br />
Sometimes a simple word<br />
Gathers itself gently off the pages of the bible,<br />
Creeps into my soul,<br />
Finds home in an unattended hollow space,<br />
And starts to bud.🌹<br />
Don't leave me.<br />
<br />
Some people remind you<br />
In a summery holiday sort of way<br />
That boys still like girls<br />
And girls still fancy boys<br />
In an uncomplicated sort of way<br />
Like velvet chocolates and cocoabutterskin.<br />
This too, is fine.<br />
<br />
Somedays there is this deep sense of utter nothingness<br />
It is irrespective of my devotion.<br />
So i steady my heart<br />
Into the refrain of old untiring songs<br />
You are too good to me, Audrey Assad<br />
<br />
The control freak in me find it utterly frustrating<br />
That you simply cannot predict life<br />
Some days will knock you off your carefully laid out plans.<br />
In the end we must all bow to acknowledge something...or someone...<br />
Pause.<br />
<br />
Mama said good girls don't twerk<br />
And good boys do away with<br />
A pornographic worldview.<br />
Ode to those of us who journey<br />
Breaking sweat and nails to ascent into a dreamy City on a hill<br />
<br />
I guess what i'm trying to say is<br />
I'm not sure how you can ache for something<br />
That you don't fully understand<br />
Or hope for a redemption that you cannot see.<br />
But here we are, waiting till i see You.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-27231270910644105352020-06-24T14:11:00.000-07:002020-06-24T14:11:46.436-07:00T.Notes#52: Somewhere in between Prose and SubtletyMy most honest prayers<br />
Are not the ones i ramble in desperation.<br />
Instead it is in these carefully crafted words,<br />
Soulful truths<br />
Nested inbetween prose and subtlety<br />
I hope God reads my blog.<br />
<br />
I have been trying to organise this page,<br />
This life...<br />
To determine a singular purpose<br />
A contribution of sorts to humanity<br />
What is your blog about? I dunno.<br />
Untidy memoirs of a beautiful mind<br />
From a deeply flawed man<br />
Who could tell.<br />
<br />
Once on a lazy breezy wednesday<br />
I vividly remembered being groped as a child<br />
By an older female neighbour<br />
At first it was uncomfortable<br />
That is as far as most men will tell.<br />
I like my toast slightly burnt<br />
With a drizzle of cheese.<br />
<br />
I try to refrain from obscenities when i read the bible.<br />
So instead i try to speak in tongues.<br />
Curse words is what happens<br />
After language has failed to articulate the depth of our emotions<br />
The harvest is past,<br />
The summer is ended,<br />
And we are not yet saved.<br />
<br />
You were over there,<br />
I was over here.<br />
Beautifully creative minds<br />
betrayed by these bodies.<br />
Unattended desires<br />
Buried beneath white cotton sheets.<br />
Like a fleeting daydream,<br />
We was here.<br />
<br />
Somedays I want to take a long break<br />
From myself, and the consequences of this incessantly wondering mind.<br />
Last night i walked with a slouch<br />
Then a barely audible whisper suggested,<br />
Don't you dare give up!<br />
Hold your head up!<br />
<br />
I guess what i am trying to say is<br />
I want to pray tonight,<br />
I ought to pray tonight.<br />
But everytime i begin to,<br />
I see myself.<br />
I know myself.<br />
And this is why the gospel is beautiful.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-29642666305972929042020-05-23T10:48:00.002-07:002020-05-23T10:48:44.218-07:00T.Notes#51: Waiting to exhaleI shared a virtual beer with the boys last night.<br />
We spoke about deep-seated worries and unattended fantasies<br />
Then the ardent atheist amongst us asked if someone would pray.<br />
<br />
For sleepless men who stayed up alone,<br />
To keep vigil over a tidy pile of household bills and stress medications,<br />
Whilst glued to watching continued fallouts of a pandemic beyond our control.<br />
<br />
Men who'd forgotten how to exhale,<br />
Instead literally holding our breath daily,<br />
Waiting for anything that resembles good news to calm our nerves.<br />
<br />
We spoke about sensual distractions whilst waiting for God.<br />
I heard that every man secretly wishes his woman were a little bit sluttier<br />
With wiles to command the attention of gods and kings whenever she rose regally to her knees.<br />
<br />
My neighbour will be pregnant soon.<br />
I often wonder if to remind her that the walls are paper thin at night<br />
Or if to give her a thumbs-up for the quality feedback she gives to the good man.<br />
<br />
The realities of sex after marriage<br />
Hit most men like a ton of bricks<br />
We eventually all learn the art of subtle negotiation<br />
And how to caress a midnight can of beer.<br />
<br />
But shit is fuxkfd up still.<br />
Kay has been a dutiful barber for twenty years<br />
Until his account went into overdraft yesterday<br />
As social distancing rules crumbled his modest empire.<br />
<br />
They say God helps those who cannot help themselves.<br />
I never really accepted this.<br />
Afterall our super power lies in fixing things<br />
Until these days of feeling like grounded super heroes<br />
Powerless to affect any of our preferred outcomes.<br />
<br />
They say men have been conditioned from childhood to mask our emotions<br />
To live a life of half-truths and deception.<br />
This is manhood<br />
A fine mess of best intentions and depravity<br />
It is complicated.<br />
<br />
There once was a King who lived at the edge of madness.<br />
When his demons came to play,<br />
he'd hurriedly call on a young lad to play gentle music to calm his soul.<br />
<br />
Last night i dusted off an old album,<br />
Caressed a cold can of beer and said a sincere prayer<br />
To the tune of Fred Hammond.<br />
<br />
God is our refuge and strength,<br />
an ever-present help in times of trouble.<br />
This is manhood.<br />
These are my T.Notes.<br />
<br />
EndT.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-50376036645044100512020-05-12T17:40:00.001-07:002020-05-15T18:04:26.532-07:00T.Notes#50: KnowingI asked how they met.<br />
She blushed and admitted<br />
that he'd sent her a direct message,<br />
asking the color of her underwear.<br />
<br />
My mind is a whirlwind these days.<br />
I am doing everything to distract my compulsive thoughts<br />
Because I know I am not coping.<br />
<br />
I know<br />
That i have f***ed this up<br />
So here we are<br />
In this place, waiting for redemption<br />
<br />
How do you manage that deep sickening feeling of regretful decisions?T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-87467620055244927672020-03-28T06:16:00.001-07:002020-03-28T06:16:38.346-07:00T.Notes#49: MariaI once lived with an eccentric old friend<br />
who kept an archive of private diaries for over seventy years.<br />
A reckless collection of trysts, musings and quiet uneventful mondays.<br />
<br />
We would often reminisce about skinny dipping in caribbean nude beaches,<br />
Relaxing massages overlooking an indian summer,<br />
And accidentally finding Jesus whilst searching for our own delights.<br />
<br />
The last time we spoke, we discussed her financial asssets and private emotions.<br />
She said to me,<br />
When they tell you my time is up,<br />
Don't leave these words unattended.<br />
<br />
If you must, then burn the whole thing to the ground<br />
every single word!<br />
I'd rather no audience into my mind<br />
When i am no longer able to defend my best intentions,<br />
lest these pages accurse me into the grave.<br />
<br />
I agreed, albeit under the influence of late night prosecco,<br />
and wandering thoughts about<br />
if heaven is only for the simple minded.<br />
Those who believe and persist without question.<br />
Or if there is room for those of us tossed back and forth with storming doubts,<br />
<br />
Those who wage daily wars to uphold their own redemption<br />
Living in anxious fear to find out in one eternal moment,<br />
If their unrighteous miniscule faith was enough to bring them home to rest.<br />
Or if their many loose ends shipwrecked faith.<br />
<br />
There were days when we tired of waiting for God<br />
So we turned to soulful ballards to attend our discontents<br />
Nights like Lauryn hill, Sade Adu and Jorja Smith.<br />
This too, is fine.<br />
<br />
Sometimes the best we can do is sit and repeat the words of a simple song,<br />
Or an easy prayer over and over and over again<br />
Until a random unintended interlude, when it all finally rings true.<br />
<br />
By the way my dear friend Maria is well and symptom free,<br />
holed away from covid-19 in a fine retirement home.<br />
Guzzling the occasional jagers,<br />
chatting shit on soulcast<br />
And still checking her blog stats<br />
For that one audience reading from heaven.<br />
<br />
These are our T.Notes.T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-47213730812971326792020-03-21T16:58:00.001-07:002020-03-21T16:58:16.184-07:00T.Notes#48: KnownDeep inside every person,<br />
is a private sanctum<br />
where dwells<br />
the mysterious essence<br />
of his being. (Tozer)<br />
<br />
Try as we may to bare it all,<br />
To lie naked in oneness<br />
in person or in virtual space<br />
<br />
We find still only one<br />
who can enter that deep-in core<br />
to establish residence there.<br />
<br />
The biblical scriptures<br />
Call that mysterious human entity<br />
as,<br />
The spirit of man. (Tozer)<br />
<br />
This is my simple untheological attraction to Christianity<br />
Yes, psalm 139 gets me.T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-61667099144226938892020-03-18T18:16:00.001-07:002020-03-18T18:16:30.394-07:00T.Notes#47: South KensingtonThere once lived a cockroach who desperately wanted to be human<br />
So he could see the world and enjoy dinners with exotic beauties just like humans do.<br />
<br />
One night he met a witch at a local pub<br />
She listened to his discontent and agreed to grant his wish.<br />
<br />
In return for one chaste day as a noble man,<br />
he would be her slave for life,<br />
But he must never fall in love with another - he agreed.<br />
<br />
He woke as a young charming nigerian prince, complete with the subtle curse of man.<br />
Tipsy with anticipation, he hurried off in pursuit of satisfaction and found a young Eyptian girl in the city.<br />
<br />
Drunk on a cocktail of infatuation<br />
He was mesmerised by her eyes and wanton beauty,<br />
Her skin glistened like a patchwork of mixed exotic heritage.<br />
<br />
He whisked her away to a plush hotel<br />
And wasted the day loving* her mind,<br />
talking nonsense* about ancient religions and unattended desires.<br />
<br />
As the day drew to an end,<br />
The witch's warning about unpermitted affections taunted his mind.<br />
But by the curious tug in his heart*, he admitted his reckless feelings to her,<br />
not disclosing his bewitched predicament.<br />
<br />
She said she was open minded<br />
And would wait for him every night.<br />
The mind is such a delicate beautiful thing - how easily we taint its innocense<br />
<br />
That night he returned to resume duty as a homebound slave.<br />
Knees bent like a dog,<br />
Neck leashed and bowed adoringly to patent red boots.<br />
It reminded me of worshiping the devil.<br />
<br />
The witch asked him if he was happy for his adventure.<br />
He admitted he may have found love<br />
But she smirked at his naivety.<br />
<br />
Men are such simple creatures,<br />
Their affections as fleeting as a flimpsy skirt blown carelessly by the wind.<br />
She leaned in close with a naughty wink,<br />
Come let me show you.<br />
<br />
Enraged at his infidelity<br />
She sat on his head, pulled out her magic wand<br />
And turned him back into a cockroach, then flushed him mercilessly down the toilet.<br />
<br />
Dizzy but undeterred, he hurried down the sewer to declare unrestrained love for his Egyptian beauty<br />
But all she saw was a disease infected cockroach.<br />
She screamed in genuine alarm at the sight and stamped on him till he died.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The End.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Ok that was a rubbish story.</div>
T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-49207180043326017312019-12-18T12:30:00.000-08:002019-12-18T12:30:00.992-08:00T.Notes#46: Niggar bounceLast night we hung up symbolic blue baubles<br />
And spoke about growing pains and midlife crisis<br />
Wondering if Jesus fancied cuban cigars and whiskey.<br />
<br />
We are the lost ones still vibing to Biggie Smalls and Tupac,<br />
Still learning to walk in smart leather shoes and a niggar bounce<br />
Still defiant to foreign lands that never welcomed us.<br />
<br />
Go hard or go home,<br />
Is what i mouth to myself every morning.<br />
But these days, after ten years of battling institutional bias,<br />
hauling generators is starting to seem like a harmless alternative.<br />
<br />
I used to run helter skelter when my loneliness arrives<br />
Now i am learning to just sit in it and wait.<br />
When a situation sucks<br />
Embrace the suck or go home.<br />
<br />
When it comes to the end<br />
May your armour be battered and body bruised<br />
But may you still be fighting valiantly for good, faith and hope.<br />
For that is where your heart lies.<br />
<br />
The sayings of Agur son of Jakeh contain this message.<br />
I am weary, O God; I am weary and worn out<br />
I am too stupid to be human, and I lack common sense.<br />
I have not mastered human wisdom nor do I know the Holy One.<br />
<br />
These are my T.Notes<br />
Please mind the gap.T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-17012948067504096622019-10-06T23:11:00.001-07:002019-10-06T23:24:15.103-07:00T.Notes #45: Alice in WanderlandMy goals may be like a rabid rabbit<br />
But i am like a cheetah on steroids<br />
I will get to you eventually no matter what.<br />
<br />
My sin may hound me daily without mercy<br />
Relentless like an overzealous tax man.<br />
But there is a saviour on this side of eternity.<br />
<br />
Last night we ventured like Alice<br />
Down the labyrinths of a complex beautiful mind<br />
You shone your torch, touched a nerve and spoke passionately about new habits.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-26563569360559860792019-09-19T10:29:00.000-07:002019-09-19T10:29:09.494-07:00T.Notes #44: Faulty TowersLast night we watched a Cathedral suddenly implode into rubble.<br />
They said she had survived the wars and natural disasters,<br />
But something dangerously subtle had been occurring within her walls.<br />
<br />
It reminded me of gentlemen who carried on whilst their lives were falling apart from the inside out.<br />
Till they felt the tremors,<br />
And the fault lines from our many battles terrified our hearts.<br />
<br />
We gathered around the rubble to share stories of war and wanderings.<br />
About men who ventured in search of the gap between expectation and reality,<br />
And a God whom we heard could mend the broken.<br />
<br />
These are our T.Notes.<br />
Please mind the gap!T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-43617090412530478682019-08-14T16:29:00.000-07:002019-08-14T16:29:57.859-07:00T.Notes #43: Lost in ParisThey told us the house was on fire<br />
So we brought in gasoline, lit some cigars,<br />
And sat down to watch the whole thing burn to the ground.<br />
<br />
We spoke about mum.<br />
About magic nights sharing a bottle of bubbly,<br />
Whilst tipsy teenage feet danced away to 80's reggae music,<br />
Talking about love, and true disciplines of a good man.<br />
<br />
Mum used to say, beware of the soft spoken intelligent man.<br />
She would murmur to father whilst eyeing me and stirring a steaming pot of concoction,<br />
'Keep an eye on that one'.<br />
Bless her, she was right - sometimes.<br />
<br />
She used to tell me to be wary of strange affections,<br />
The girls who stoke your desires and damn your devotion.<br />
But instead we let our hearts run wild, savage.<br />
Till they flowed into a hooker's reckless embrace.<br />
<br />
She said, from the begining of the world<br />
To the end of days,<br />
Beautiful women will walk the face of the earth.<br />
May they ever be to us -<br />
Nothing more than a passing distraction.<br />
<br />
We talked about this new brave world<br />
Where the voices of imperfect men are silenced, me too.<br />
And moral codes are exhalted, without re-education.<br />
<br />
How did the leopard changed its spots,<br />
Mum's favourite fòlklore.<br />
The one about Fathers wandering aimlessly trying hide their secrets and find their feet -<br />
With sincere yet uncharmed cluelessness.<br />
<br />
Mum was no saint either - god forbid no.<br />
There was no end to the contradictions in her convictions.<br />
Like the psalms she read to us at bedtime,<br />
Whilst her staunch African beliefs dogged her every decision like a talisma.<br />
<br />
My therapist admitted that i am a product of dire dysfunction.<br />
Yet thriving beyond every possible imagination.<br />
I agreed - for me and many many others.<br />
God bless the untiring hustle of the Nigerian child.<br />
<br />
Last night we waited for the midnight train to Paris,<br />
We watched the girls stroll by in bouncy summer skirts,<br />
And the boys who stumbled over themselves trying to catch a glimpse of heaven.<br />
But God was healing our minds....<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-65506292784543685942019-07-30T15:17:00.000-07:002019-07-30T15:17:24.405-07:00T.Notes#42: Ode to a riseTomorrow we rise!<br />
To take the front reins of the European Banks.<br />
We grab a fistful of balls and dare to ride this new challenge!<br />
Bouyed by the same rugged determination, a tactical calculation and a knapsack full of providence.<br />
You said the whole thing is sheer madness - I know.<br />
But glory never came to those who did not dare.<br />
So heaven help us, this cannot fail.<br />
F^%k it, this WILL NOT FAIL.T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-55943813918607891872019-07-06T01:57:00.001-07:002019-07-06T01:57:18.518-07:00T.Notes#41: Watershed by the Beautiful Blue DanubeLast night our feet dangled over the blue Danube and we were honest men.<br />
We spoke about loosing a grip on life and how adulting is hard.<br />
<br />
We made paper boats out of hundred dollar bills,<br />
Floated them away into hidden waters,<br />
and wondered if God was mildly interested in the affairs of men.<br />
<br />
If he could really see through our facades,<br />
the misty nights of muffled secrets,<br />
and the unhelpful doxologies of the new churches -<br />
The ones who told us to ignore our demons and sing a new song of grace.<br />
<br />
We wondered what it'll take for mortal men to forgive God.<br />
If it was entirely inconceivable waiting for him to tender his own side of apologies,<br />
Or if our disasters were worthy penalties for our own depravities.<br />
<br />
I worry for my dear old friend Tobi and asked however i could support.<br />
He returned a quiet smile and asked me to write him a blog post,<br />
About a boy who found himself in the year that his dad died.<br />
<br />
Keep it short, honest and sweet.<br />
Talk about Jesus, Loyle Carner, Loose Ends, Self-seeking piety,<br />
And life striken reflections that spoke back to us from a beautiful eastern river...<br />
And don't try to find any conclusion.<br />
<br />
So this is it old friend -<br />
Our watershed moments by the Beautiful Blue Danube.<br />
This one is about finding our ways back to a new normal.<br />
<br />
"I write because i have secrets no one else knows" - Tony Jordan.T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-73278687219680413002019-02-14T04:25:00.000-08:002019-02-14T04:25:14.003-08:00T.Notes#40: Lilac SheetsI woke up feeling overwhelmed by life this morning.<br />
The routines and the unending tide of shi&%y happenings,<br />
With only brief respites in-between.<br />
<br />
I attempted to make a nice list of my life motivations -<br />
You know, the things that keep me pressing on.<br />
My raison d'etre.<br />
<br />
Pay the bills, Support the family, Save more money and Take good holidays.<br />
It turned out mundane and mildly depressing,<br />
So I turned to the less tangible motivations.<br />
Faith, Hope and Love.<br />
<br />
Faith, Hope and Love<br />
It really is for those three that i let go of my cozy duvet every morning<br />
And take my place in this madness.<br />
<br />
I thought about faith this morning.<br />
About how a good faith has to be more pleasurable<br />
than that toe-curling kind of sex.<br />
I want a good faith.<br />
<br />
I'm not talking about that<br />
Ticket to heaven,<br />
Else 'thou hath damned' type of faith<br />
A good escort can easily arrange those.<br />
<br />
I am also not talking about the happy clappy motivational sorts<br />
I'd rather have a good book and a long holiday instead.<br />
<br />
But there is a type of faith that knows the depths of me<br />
And recognizes my soul amidst a thousand.<br />
It is that type of faith that stirs my affection.<br />
<br />
What gets you out of bed in the mornings?<br />
What fuels your hustle?T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940734346718427581.post-88719634420926008532019-02-07T08:10:00.002-08:002019-02-07T08:10:37.297-08:00T.Notes#39: Dia FadaI cannot pull any Shaku dance moves to save my life,<br />
But BasketMouth's new song has been doing all sorts of magic to my feet lately.<br />
<br />
There is something about the catchy Afro beats and defiant poker faces,<br />
which speak deeply to my internal struggles of blackness.<br />
Excuse my African.<br />
<br />
Without sugar coating, I do believe that being a black person is tough.<br />
Irrespective of descent, there is a depth of struggles that we don't talk about and can't even begin to understand.<br />
<br />
Sometimes i wonder that if i were given the choice and insight,<br />
Would i voluntarily ever return as a black man?<br />
I posed the question to my Irish friend recently.<br />
<br />
A simple question that is devoid of political correctness,<br />
But the answer often lays bare the truth about blackness.<br />
He thought long and hard and admitted that it is complicated.<br />
<br />
Living and working outside of Homeland has taught me to deeply understand the histories and depths of being a so-called "black man".<br />
I used to disregard these feelings and try to fit-in,<br />
Afterall, "(mental) slavery is a choice".<br />
<br />
I wonder if someday we can talk honestly about necessary blackness.<br />
About unsolicited weights of responsibility,<br />
Unending battles to stay alive,<br />
And this constant need to validate our existence.<br />
<br />
I'm not supposed to speak about these things<br />
I am afterall privileged,<br />
Far from the maddening crowd,<br />
And somewhere in that hazy dual nationality state with no real entitlement to call anywhere home.<br />
<br />
But Blackness is rising<br />
And it is beautiful to see.<br />
This new audacity and unapologetic pride of kids owning their origin to show off street dance moves in Times Square.<br />
<br />
I may not be able to pull any shaku moves to save my own life,<br />
But today i stepped into my predominantly white board meeting with a new sense of unrepentant blackness,<br />
humming BasketMouth's beats<br />
And mouthing 'Dia Fada' as i owned my own space.T.Noteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15615737640818854979noreply@blogger.com1