Friday, September 24, 2010

Sweet Toothed in a Candy store and Other Fairy Stories – IOW, The dilemma of Choice and Contentment.

Warning: Delightfully fine read ahead. Grab your coffee 1st.

I love C.S Lewis; I follow a blog hereon that’s dedicated to his works, and I am currently reading C.S Lewis-Through the shadowlands. Why do I bring that up? Well one thing that particularly strikes me about the timeless Legend is his intelligence and his ‘I don’t give a damn to express my POV’. Note that Mr Lewis’ opinions are hardly ever fickle. They are properly thought out and smartly concluded within before he brashly begins to tell the world. My point, I ought to give more depth to my thought process, and when I conclude about a matter, I want to be even louder about my point of view (POV). Should you consider that egoistic or rude, how do I politely tell you that the world is just too impatient and maybe too fast to bend low to listen to timid whispers! If you want to get something done (that is after you have smartly thought out the implications of your choice), you need some serious dead-set determination and “don’t give a damn”. Like we say in my former workplace: “It’s do-able”. i.e everything is freaking possible. Decide on a destination and if you’ll need to, then bulldozer your way through the path to reach your utopia/canaanland. Go ahead and conquer your world- for a reason.

On a more regular T.Note…(Sweettooths and Candy Shops)

There’s one of those off-license stores near my house (lol,which I will talk about soon enough). This one specializes in stocking all sorts of candies. Caramel, Fizzers, Fudge, name it and that Pakistanie’s stocking em. So here I am living right next to candy heaven and I’ve got a deadest sweettooth! WhoppieDoo uh? On my first sight of this convenience, I froze in place whilst my eyes budged, widened and my heart did flipflops. Welcome back home, T.Baby, You done good boy! I rubbed my hands-both in glee and due to still trying to acclimatize to summer’s ending chill. How long do you think it will take before I smash the celibate orb and dive into the first row of exotic treats? (Stay with me a little now.) I used to note that Lagos is quickly becoming a circus of such and such “innocuous” eye candies. A leisurely drive down Maryland avenues was simply not innocent anymore. And all it usually takes is a few casual hellos to cement acquaintance before the frozen chocolate exterior cracks in your teeth and the sweet caramel oozes out. Nonetheless,I have a sweettooth and threatening cavities (impressions) that imply: “Do not touch!” At this point, before I progress, I will note that if you still think this note is about innocent sweets and chocolates, then, I don’t know how else to misinform you o! Yes I am in willywonka’s darn chocolate factory- ask any bloke who’s vacationing during summer to interprete for you. *Evil Eviiiil wink*.

(That depiction should be innocent enough, get the drift)So seriously, let’s get down to business. As I noted in previous post, my first days begun with me taking an innocent piss whilst beholding black victoria secrets. Further to that episode, it’s been a bevy of red, purple and pink strings, a mis-education of those slip-in type tampons and such the like.
This all would have not fazed me if the owner of the effects was simply the regular girl next door. Instead the gods choose to have me share the downstairs flat with a partly Russian beauty who dons tight fitting lycra in the mornings. And if you know anthing about a grown man, it’s that, the early hours of the day is not his strongest point…in that regard.
Some of your comments have playfully noted that there might be some tempest waters brewing ahead. Maybe yes so (bcos honestly I have my unafraid fears) and then again, maybe not so. This dilemma bags the importance of this T.Note!

I have locked myself alone in my room tonight to decipher the dilemma of why a man cannot just be content to stroll into a candy shop, pick one chocolate chip cookie and let his marauding crusade end there and then! That is, Will you T.Baba, take this one and only woman forsaking all other….ehmm oh Jesus but just see the effect grey has on another properly rounded…├ęclairs! Ehmm so sorry Father, where were we? The solution – if any doth suffice, to this stone-age old daftness ofcourse will not solve a quarter of the world’s problem, but such a conviction might definitely help un-complicate my days and focus on the one path I am set here to bulldoze. i.e finish top of the class, show them hell- Naija no dey carry last! Chop knuckle Musco-Baba! So instead tonight of thinking quantitative finance, these are the sonnets of the Portuguese that plague my mind. T.notes wonders:

I’ve never quite been attracted to the Caucasian skin (preference only, no offence friends) so it is certainly only the tempter that’s helping me wonder what a white kiss might just taste like. Ooh I bind you in Jesus Name!

Now really, has any man ever never never cheated? Just even once? The pope doesn’t count and my mother unfortunately has taught me in this regard not to even count my old man. Sigh.

No matter how well you try to cage a man, as per craftiness and deceit, I think the devil was originally created with a manhood.

How do you keep your eyes straight when you’re walking down Birmingham city center and the tailor was certainly mincerly to the skirt bouncing ahead of you? In the desert of my shame, I have found myself to blame.

I can get through this, right? It is possible, isn’t it? Or maybe the extents I am pushing for is inhuman.

Does it count if one morning I barge innocuously into our shared bathroom. So sorry..let me help you get that soap.

In conclusion. The beauty of this T.Note, least you tag me another Noble Igwe, is that I survived Nigeria-Lagos to be precise.

Disclaimer: Random picture from the net depicting the beauty that is the NAIJA WOMAN!

Oooh you should have seen the leprechauninsh grin on my face as I stepped out of that virgin craft holding aloft that still celibate orb thinking to myself, YES MAN, all the Chinyere, Tolulope’s and Halimats in Lagos with all of their hiked up skirts and low cut jeans couldn’t take me down. Ehmm there are stories and near misses, but for most part, I’d say we stuck to the deal and kept forte intact. Hi-5 YankeeNaija! But herein today lies the dilemma. As Myne Whitman did beautifully put it, I am in all ramification today a typical Eze goes back to school who has imprudently imported along the age old traditions of our African Fathers and more specifically Hebrew Father Abraham or whimsical Papa C.S Lewis. Which is, Will you (or can you) T.Baba, walk this straight and narrow direct from your lecture hall and back to your room each day for the 365 days ahead without taking that calling detour into pakinstanie’s dug-out adult theme park.? Will you (or can you) maintain a wholly cordial and proper interaction with your sexy flatmate and stop this late night coffee chats you have already started indulging? When it gets cold and dreary, can you T.BABA T.BABA, T.BABA (How many times have I called you?!), curl up alone into your room, warm up the heater and sing yourself Fred Hammonds and Hail Marys to sleep? Bloody Hell, we got next!

Welcome to Birmingham, mind the Gap.

On brief randoms T.Notes…where are all the bloggers gone to?! Understadably,the more the responsibilities that stifle our days, the harder it is to squeeze out a few hours for blogger. Nonetheless, before I start calling you all out, I need to see blog updates fast. And I don’t mean the few paltry words I’ve been reading! Gosh I’ve missed a whole lot of you! *Evil wink*

I was in Plymouth last weekend. Spent a night in London, then continued a four hour road trip to the boating town. London remains ever faithful, we picked up just where we last left off. The theatres are better than ever and you can still comfortably lavish off your life savings all in a London daytrip. The sights of Plymouth are simply breathtaking . You cannot travel to Plymouth without stopping over at the central harbor-Plymouth Hoe. Standing at the hilltop is a vantage view of luxury boats and British battle ships. Haaa the amalgamation of technology and nature, man and God working together in brief harmony. The water is scenic even though common sense tells you that its chilly and holds sharp rocks beneath. Somehow it was warmer than Birmingham and the breeze a little more gentle, so I marked Plymouth off as a worthwhile trip.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Bloody Hell we got next!!!!

First off, i enter the bathroom of my shared apartment and there's hanging next to the heater, stylish black female underwear and L'oreal Paris."Hi i'm Chantelle". Bloody Hell!!!!