Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Scandal: Blogger in my sheets!

So I confess that I’ve been a little bit disenchanted with blogger of late. My defence: Frequent readers and those whom we have communicated outside blogger walls know that my personal life right now is a bit of a flurry. I’m doing best enough just to maintain my sanity through the days. But (*evil*evil*evil*wink), subsequent to this sizzling mis-information, I just had to gather my misplaced writer’s mojo and share the scoop!

Now, first off, we shall have an unspoken agreement that if you’re reading beyond this line, you AGREE that YOU DID NOT HEAR THIS FROM T.NOTES!!!If you quote me, I will sooo deny that I even know you! Hence, sign along the dotted line here indicating that we have an agreement before you continue………………

Signed? O.k, So here goes,
Yesterday I had one of the worthwhile type of corporate meetings. The client’s a multinational; I sauntered in with my best suit, chauffeur driven in one of our snatzy official cars and was ushered into their neat glass cut-out meeting room. (yup, being a corporate slave sometimes has its better days). Anyways, we were meeting with a cocky white finance director and there he was babbling away trying to explain my own country’s economic indices to me (yes, some clients could be that impetuous atimes!) and I was doing my best not to be upset at his daring. Until I notice through the glass partition a particular male employee who was supposed to be working yet instead was busy on an internet site with a way too familiar homepage: BLOGGER.COM! My mind immediately did the maths implicating that I might finally be meeting one of our own naija blogger brothers! Imagine my luck! I hoped he was one of the old timers who were still peddling pseudo identities! Anyways, trust me, after the meeting, I sauntered to his seat whilst casually sipping a complimentary cup of coffee.

Of course by then he’d minimized the page. So I motioned at it and asked feigning ignorance, “Is that one of those dating sites?”
He pasted a guilty look at the thought of being discovered or reported (as if i cared!) and was trying to work up an excuse.
I smiled and helped him out, “I’m just asking off the record. You know, man to man. I might also be interested.”
He then appeared more comfortable, leaned back and opened up our very own BLOGGER.COM to show me one of our very own POPULAR NAIJA FEMALE BLOGGER’S HOME PAGE.
“I guess you could say that-” he now replied with total corkiness, “-considering that I’m having a second date with her tonight”. He leaned forward. “First date was at cactus, then I dropped her off at the guest house she’s staying in, after a little lip-locking session.”
I did my best then not to spill my coffee, I swear!! Why?!!!Because:
1. Either this guy was a bloody bloody liar.
2. If he was truthful, then there was truly dead jealous blood boiling within me!
3. Because the blogger in question is actually one of my out-of-blogger contacts and I actually do like her
4. She is HOT!
5. She is married!!!!And this young guy is no-no-not her husby!

So instead of spilling any of these outrage, I gathered my rampaging thoughts and indulged him to continue.
“So you meet people on the site and set up dates?” I pressed further.
“If you’re lucky or suave enough” He answered. “Second date’s at the merriot hotel in lekki.”
“WTF!!!” I curtailed yet another outrage. Instead I continued acting cool. Moreso, on his desk was a glaring picture which looked like his recent traditional engagement. Hence, wait a minute, this guy is most likely engaged and by his claim, he’ll be getting it on tonight with my very good hot female fellow bloggers at the merriot! The injustice of this world!

I was gonna ask further but the whitey Finance Director came around indicating that he FINALLY needed my opinion on a section of our report. Hence, I grudgingly left the lucky bagger's (or bloody liar’s) desk whilst he spurn around in his chair with a distant smile - clearly daydreaming of the evil he’d be roughing up within merriot hotel’s room 210’s white bedsheets later tonight!

So, here’s the deal. I cannot conceal such information for too long but I don’t want to expose my good (well not so good) friend who by the way I actually know is presently visiting naija. She’s laptop-less so i know she’s taken a brief leave off blogger. And this by the way sort of corroborates the guy’s story-if it is true. So I know the female but I don’t know who the guy is on blogger, though I’m certain he’s discovered now that I played a bit of a fast one on him since he’s probably reading this blog now! Ha, take that!

I do try not to be a preacher, but last I checked, adultery hasn’t been updated off biblical sins or moral standards, has it? So shall I divulge names or do I just keep my already gaping mouth shut?! Drop your opinions here if you’re a busy body like me and you're inching to know WHO DUNNIT?!

BTW, in mission impossible style, this message will disintegrate from my page after…’X hours’ on blogger, counting NOW! And hence as far as I’ll know, you did not hear nada from T.Notes!!!

I'll take a poll and divulge if...15people say name them!lol!

Back to the daily grind!

Friday, May 7, 2010

Brutally Honest...Ladies do excuse me.

Its a jungle in my mind.
P.S: I've tried to tone down sexual content. I find that I've been knowingly ignoring certain friend request for my blog page, because i'm not ready just yet to be politically correct with my freedom to expression . So for those who do know, indulge me one more time, and "Let me speak Let me Speak, as Kirk Franklin Said.

Most men just don't care.
Some do.

The inert creed of a man in his raw form is:
If she does so much as give the impression that she "wants it",
Go for the kill, damn the consequences.
In the moment of the chase, we lie, we fake, we put our best foot forward,
The target is all we're seeing.
And the target is flesh.

Money becomes a non-issue.
Yes It sounds brutally crude, but the truth is,
atimes free money is all it takes to close the deal.
Atimes that's sad, atimes (yes) its convenient.
You don't say much, only count the bills and pick a date.
Atimes its that simple, that easy...
Then I find it hard to tell the difference anymore between the street prostitute and the girl next door.

Sometimes i scare myself.
Because despite my best efforts,
the man in me snakes out -
with a shiny wink, uncommon wit and toothy grin,
and some undiscerning brood returns a shy smile.
*Stupid Stupid Stupid*
Creed: If she returns a smile, she's interested.

E.g, I did my best to keep my trap shut,
instead i mouth whilst feigning disinterest "How long have you worked in the building?"
"Not too long."
She should have ignored me.
Creed: Once you establish first conversation, the rest is pure techniques.

E.g, 9pm She'd changed into something more casual, more clingy, then she dropped by.
"Are you leaving soon?" (She was asking for a ride)
I cough, "Uhmm, No, i'll be busy for a while".
"Maybe next time"
*Stupid Stupid Stupid*
That's your trump card; it means Run whilst i tentatively have the fortitude to look the other way (away from the high skirt).
Creed: If she's in your car 9pm on a friday, then you're not heading straight home.

Sometimes we hate ourselves,
because give a man the tiniest glimpse of "you".
and he looses all sensibilities.
He'd forget God, Forget her smile, Forget 9 year old Carrey...
Creed: He'll remember after "5minutes", if he lasts that long.

Him and her, our intentions are varied,
as far as the frigging north pole is to the south.
To have and to hold, you seek.
But for only five minutes is all he needs.

Its beautific when you slowly stir your hot cuppachino like that,
but if you stir too hard, the thing'll soon spill (on you).

So if you see me-him walking down the street,
Just Let us walk on by...walk on by...

Sigh. Let no man deceive you otherwise,
despite our best efforts,
none has it figured out.
It's a long wearying unending battle being the so called, "better man."
Creed: That's why i still find it hard to let go of my kid sister, because we know all we're worth, us men.

End: Now you understand why i'm not going to be in the frigging cold for two whole years if you're not there with me...
Creed: All it starts with is a kiss, a simple kiss. Then the rest is downhill.

P.S, I dare say we've done good so far. But "only so far", is where all these jungled thoughts are streaming from...where my daily fear lies.

But...He is faithful to keep...to keep keeping, right???