Friday, March 26, 2010

Does Shy Guy get the Girl (2)? (Ask @neefemi!)

Preferred Title: *Angel in Teller 6*
Note: For newcomers, this is an update to me really just fooling around with words. You could stop by the previous blog titled "Shy guy gets the girl" to be updated.
P.S, I threw in @neefemi in the title cos she's such an inspirer! Lol!!!
*Newcomer Chidum works on the teller desk 5,next to Angel's.

Angel enters- clearly in a bit of huff, she dumps some files on the till desk, then on second thought, simmers her tirade and eases gently into the chair (behind the desk). The bank hall is relatively inactive.

Chidum: (Whilst maintaining focus on his system ) Are you alright?
Angel: (Through gritted teeth) I swear, I’m going to wring someone’s neck in this office very soon.
Chidum: (Turns briefly to her) Somebody’s peeved. What’s up?
Angel: (Lowers her voice yet maintains her angst) Would you imagine that the forty something year old excuse-of-a-boss spanked my bum!
Chidum: (Eyes wide and clearly interested) You’re joking!
Angel: (Speaking whilst hurriedly putting together some sheets) I’ve helped him pick up his five year old kid from school on many occasions; I’ve sat in the same car with his pregnant wife, and he has the gall to pinch my ass and make passes at me.
Chidum: (Grinning) The-lucky-bastard! What did he say?
Angel: What else? Bull ofcourse. He wasn’t beating much about the bush; he hit bulls eye on his intentions in very few words.
(Adds under breath with spiteful undertone) Certainly a sick old one minuter.
Chidum: (Laughs out loud, then adds with a wicked grin) So, details! Was it a smack or squeeze? Gentle or hard?
Angel turns a lethal look at him.
Chidum: (Unfazed) What?! I’ve been your right hand guy in this office for the past year and you’ve never so much indulged my fingernail on your flesh without a whack, yet the old geezer gets a handful-with no apologies.
Angel: Cee, be serious for once!
(Continues with an undertone of irritation.): I don’t get it; why is it so hard to ‘leave the rest’?
Chidum: (Puzzled) Uh?
Angel: (Picking up tempo) -to take yours and leave the rest, why is that such a big deal for people, especially you men!
Chidum: You’re speaking in parables.
Angel: (Looks around blankly then finally focuses on an empty small tray on the till desk) The complimentary sweets for instance. Why can’t customers apply simple courtesy, pick one and leave the rest on the tray. Instead they’d suck on one whilst trying to skillfully dump another five or six into their pockets.
(Pointedly) If a man finds a wife, meaning she’s signed contract to shift her thong at his every whim and call-night or day, what else does he want?
Chidum: Honey, that equation is way more complex than your simple candy pilfering analogy. Besides-(Grinning)-candies, come in various flavours – apricot, tangy, bubblegum…a sweet tooth is inevitable in this present day, I tell you!
Angel: (With condescending frown) Even if, - boss is certainly not the choicest pick off the rack.
(Rolls a cynic eyebrow) He’s got a pot belly Cee.
Chidum: (Now turns fully towards her) Aww common, why are you being so sanctimonious about the whole thing. If a guy is making passes at you, it should only validate your ego. Do you know what I advice? Take him up on his offer. One night, show him what a CrossRiverian woman is made of, then demand a pay rise!
Angel: (Hisses and returns attention to her system) You’re clearly the wrongest person to be discussing this with. Besides, as tempting as a payrise is, that old leech cannot afford me. Plus, (adds with style) tickets to my Umoja is not up for public offer.
Chidum: (Guffaws) Tickets to your Umoja!
(Notices Seeni now entering the banking hall) And hmmm talking about Umoja, clearly your village goddesses did some overtime on your behalf last night. Look who’s joining the quee to book a ride to Umoja.
Angel sights S walking towards the till; her face lights up.

Angel: Now there’s a passenger worth considering.
(Mouths with a tinge of urgency) Bugger off/F*ck off Chidum!

She entreats a smile as he nears her till. Just at the moment, M, a heavy set middle aged female Manager cuts S’s path and dumps some files on A’s desk.

M (with urgency): Angel, we need to sort out this returns now!
Angel: (Stammers with a mix of confusion and ardent disappointment at the unwanted distraction) But…I…(Motions at S)…I’ve got a customer to attend to.
M: (Directs S to Chidum) Good day Sir, kindly let teller 5 attend to you.

S is also clearly disappointed. He shuffles off the line and heads towards Chidum after much hesitation whilst mouthing a murmer.

Monday, March 22, 2010


Here are the rules of this blog, kindly adhere STRICTLY to it:
If you’re beneath…21, kindly skip, DO NOT READ! I will not be held responsible for anybody’s action or misconduct attributable to his/her interaction with this entry!

If my friend T finds out that I’m blogging about her personal and recent experience, she will kill me!!!So, in some days time, this page might just cease to be.

Also, if you (like me) are unable to partake of conversations of sexual conduct without your mind running wild, also, kindly skip. Though, I will keep this to a pg13 level.

So, background is, I’ve got this trio of friends in my office (2guys and a girl). We like to imagine ourselves as…Nigerian type wall street executives (hahaha). Well, we’re young, the pay’s alright, we consults for diverse local and international clients, and we basically get to tell a lot of people that “they don’t know what they’re doing!” Further, we’re not yet married but as regards dating, love and sexuality, we do TRY to keep things…well, nice and clean. We sort of checkmate each other, which means many times we force the other to divulge behind closed doors information. This entry is about “T’s” confession as we drove home from work. T doesn’t yet know I have a blog page, but she’s very nosey- for that reason, this page might disappear once I sense she’s getting wind of my online activities!!

Ok ok, enough preamble, here’s the dirt, it was just so hilarious at telling, hope I’m able to do it justice at writing. The gist is always sweeter when described though. Last Friday, T’s church fellowship was going to hold a vigil. She was scheduled to lead a certain portion of it, which would involve some prayers and such. So after work, T went straight to her Fiancee’s (F) place- they were going for the fellowship together. Whilst at F’s place, another friend came around. We’ll call him P because he’s the president/pastor of the youth fellowship. So T, F and P were alone at home. P needed to do some work online so they were all together in F’s room. The setting is that, the P.C is on a table with a chair which backs the bed. BTW, F had just gotten the apartment, so the bed is pretty much just a large mattress on the tiled floor, making it much lower than the P.C table. Anyways, P was working on the table, backing F and P who were cozied on the bed just gisting.
Now, you know how it is when you’re chilling with you man/woman-there’s usually a tendency to get A little too relaxed. So according to T, she starts to INNOCENTLY play with F’s chest. INNOCENTLY lead to her fingers slipping into his shirt, finding his nipples and starting to finger them gently. All the while, Pastor has no idea what is going on behind him. F starts to whisper gruffly, “F, you need to stop, please”. F instead giggles and asks “Why?”. Naughtily/curiously, F reaches down to inquire why her macho man is suddenly getting cranky. And sure enough, something is brewing in the lower parts. She giggles and doesn’t stop the tease. Ofcourse, they both know that it’s important that P dare not get a wind of what is brewing behind him so they maintain a useless loud conversation, at times involving P who grunts occasionally in response without turning back.

F confessed that at this point, even she was starting to get frisky, she says there was something wild about the fact that someone was just a few steps away from them and hell would probably break loose if he turned around. So, get this, F leans forward, eases open T’s shirt and starts to do some soft porn nibbling on his nipple. At this point of the story, and I swear, we don’t make up these stories, all of us listening, went wild, screaming in the car- OMG, YOU DIDN’T!!!P was right there and things were getting hot behind him, talk about evil guts!!!It got worse. F was literally going crazy, yet he had to keep talking and engaging P who dared not look back, because he would have been staring straight into my friend’s T’s buttcheeks. We all know that, you cannot reeve up a man and leave him standing halfway or even dare to outdo him, so imagine how, damning the consequences, F rolls T over on the bed, scoops out her…jolly friends and starts to return the favour!!!Yes, he was eating out her nipples whilst she was staking out to let him know if P dared make a slight move!(I almost jammed the breaks at this point.) These people must be crazy; whatever happened to reverence for the man of God!!!I know it sounds like fiction, but like I said, we don’t make up stories in our discussions. We’re frank and honest to a brutal fault. Somehow it’s how we help each other along and keep each other accountable from our excessiveness.

According to her, T is somewhat of a macho man, he likes to exercise the fact that he is in control and so as regards sexuality, he likes to portend that nothing’ll happen / go far until he says so/allows it. In particular, he’s always maintained that he won’t “get up” until he commands himself to, and I gues somehow he’s so far proven himself capable of controlling his sexdrive-which I admit is bloody rare. So the trip for her in the whole scenario was that she’d initiated it and she was clearly getting the better part of him, and SHE WAS CALLING THE SHOTS. To prove it, she said, everynow and then, she’d reach down to feel, and was pleasantly amazed at how magnificently huge things were getting down there.
At this point, I will wrap things up before this turns into a romance novel. My friend T confessed that, she was “vibrating” like a washing machine on overdrive! Where she gets that word from, and how it applies, I have no idea.Lol. But anyways, P didn’t turn around and clearly, what things were leading to had better not be carried on in the room, so she looked T in the eye and says loudly, “Excuse me, need to take a pee” It was a cue for F to follow behind her pronto, but for some reason, he didn’t get it. She says, there’s a dark part of the house,so she went there and waited expecting T to show up, but like I said, he didn’t get it. He on the other hand was waiting impatiently in the bedroom. So, after waiting a while, she returns to the bedroom fuming. She raises an eyebrow at F, who shrugs a “what?”. She returns and sits with a huff, a distance from him.

P finally turns around (after things had simmered) looks at the time and says, he’d better be leaving now, so F escorts P off whilst T WAITS FOR HIM in the room. The rest of the story, I will leave untold. There was no sex, but….you get the drift.

They did show up at the vigil later in the night, but T refused to lead any prayers. She said the guilt of even being in the church was killing her!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

A Guy’s Random Perspectives On Life, Sex and Love

“...and the man you’re living with now isn’t even your husband.” -Jesus-

1. I know the devil like I know the shape of the birth mark beneath my navel. “She’s” that oily urgent voice that urges me to do the things...well, I’d rather not do, then a few hours later, she’s the loudest of the voices that turn around and condemn me.

2. Honestly, it’s fine Lord when you take the initiative to “protect” me from my own tendencies, but uhmm, letting that ATM swallow my card just so I won’t have tomorrow morning, now that’s just underhand and scheming! But fast thinking, I will give it to you. Will go cold turkey, no problem. Don’t stop.

3. Father Forgive me, my mind has sinned (again). 10,000th confession, Day One! That is the journey of a Man who’s trying to be “good”.

4. One day I stepped out for a church altar call asking for worn out people who were sick of live and were considering “ending it all”. You should have seen the throng of people (yes, here in Naija) that streamed out! They had to take that call three times and the numbers kept coming! I thought I had problems.

5. Nigerians don’t commit suicide, really. That’s why the issue of that foiled suicide bomber shocked us all. To be honest, we’re just too selfish for life. Nigerians rough it out to the end, and there’s also the fact that most of us are just too scarred chicken. Why else would we wallow in decades of bad governance and haven’t revolted since- I tell you, no Nigerian wants to die for anybody, not even himself!

6. A gun feels very cold against your temple; a woman’s body and curves on the other hand is soothingly warm. God invented icecream for various reasons.

7. T.Notes T.Notes T.Notes, I tell myself everyday: Life is about exercising self control over your urges, else we’d be no different than the animal kingdom doing it all over the place. Sometimes tho, animal kingdom doesn’t sound like a bad consideration. Washing machine, alley corner, Kitchen Table, Pool, Football pitch...get your minds out of the gutter!

8. Can you really run from your weaknesses forever? I think someday it will catch up on me.

9. The difference between a Christian man who’s trying to take this business serious and walk away from his past, is just that, he lives daily in torment and guilt, whilst enjoying times of momentary victories. The guy next door on the other hand, has abandoned caution and the sounds of the moans and scream coming out of his bedroom every night, vary. Nights of passion, but that tormenting demon after all is said and done seems to have glued itself permanently to his shoulders. Well at least, during the nights, the moans and screams drown out its squeaky voice- even if only temporary.

10. What is missing in Nollywood, is that the writers who have something that’s positively introspective to say about life and stories, have sensibly rationalized that the rewards of battling the mediocrity in the industry is small compared to the effort. Offer good pay for a script for God’s sake, and lets discus how to move things forward. What you need, is clear- a sensible storyline that’s carefully and artistically put together!

11. Its only when it’s dark (NEPA takes light) that you know who owns a generator. And it doesn’t matter then how rickety or giant the machine is, just as long as it powers the house for the duration of the night. Sigh, T.Notes, go figure.

12. Our consolation in all this is that, this chaos must be leading somewhere. There must be a sensible conclusion- for better or worse, at least, the waves will settle and the sun will shine.

13. Rejoice about a great future, even when it’s seemingly at its darkest stage.

14. I am addicted to Blogger; it’s making me become somewhat of an insomniac.

15. Hi, and thank you to all my new followers. If I haven’t returned the favour, which I honestly try to immediately, please holler here.

16. Lol, yes, I will next update “Shy guy gets the girl”. Stop by previous blog if confused.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Shy Guy gets the Girl!! (For Sweetums! (Y) )

A: (Looks up briefly from the computer screen) Your signature is irregular.
S: (Coolly) You’re probably looking up the old one. I changed it sometime back; if you scroll down, you’ll see…
A: Ha, o.k. I see it now. Sorry.
S: That’s fine.
Brief Pause
(After a bit of hesitation, then with mustered determination) Can I buy you lunch?
A: (Appears taken aback and laughs consciously) Lunch? I barely know you!
S: (Shakes his head) Not true. You know I bank here, you probably know I come here everyday to steal glances at you, and I’m most certain it’s visible on your screen that I just withdrew this cash via ATM which I’m paying it back into the same account.
(Weak Smile) It’s a lame stunt, I know, but I had to try something eventually -to get a few minutes of your attention.
A: (Laughs out loud) Yes, I did observe that fact immediately. But it’s not my position to question the sanity of our customer’s transactions. L.O.L, you’re funny.
S: Uh?
A: (Flicks a finger) Ignore the last bit. Bad habit from too much BB-ing.
S: (Leans forward and whispers) So what do you say…to the date? It took me five weeks to work up this nerve.
A: (Speaks whilst consciously maintaining eyes on the screen) You’re not doing bad at all for a shy guy.
(Stamps his slip) You don’t even know my name?
S: (Short laugh) A.I.T.6. Angel in teller Six.
A: (Looks up at him) Uh?!
S: That’s how I’ve referred to you- every time I get back to the office and moan about coming here and loosing the nerve to even say hello. That’s why you need to say yes to my date offer.
A: (Murmurs) Shy, Funny and Creative too.
(Brief frown) But need to? Tsk tsk, you’ve got to know it can’t be that easy to get a girl’s attention. I like things the old fashioned way; if you want a date, vie for it.
S: (With a tinge of smugness) Even though I’ve also caught you a few times returning my stolen glances?
A: (Casually) You probably wore a nice shirt or something. Good girls don’t stare at men.
(Leans forward with a naughty grin) But tell me, what are your intentions for this…date?
S: (Returns her tact) Isn’t that a bit forward for a lady?
A: (Leans back) Island guys are-for most parts, a bunch of FBA time wasters. I’m not into the matinees and sex games.
S: (Factly) I’ve never seen below your neckline from where I’m standing and yet I’ve been daydreaming of your smile for six weeks- that should say something about my intents.
A: (Return him a stamped deposit slip and now speaks officially) Your transaction is complete Mr Smith. Please drop the pink copy on your way out.
S: (Appears aghast) You’re going to brush off the shy, witty and creative guy without any reply? I thought I was gaining ground!
A: (With a smile) Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me.
S: (Face lights up) Twice on the pipe if the answer is no! Tony Orlando. I love that song too!
A: (Returns an official demeanor) Have a nice day Mr. Smith.
(Motions behind him) Next customer please.

A shuffles off the line and leaves after much hesitation.

A: (Watches him leave whilst she taps her desk slowly (thrice) with a clenched knuckle) Ooh Lord please, make him come back.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

How not to get pissed off / No b*tching here please!


So it dawned on me yesterday that I MIGHT BE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM!!Take the poll with me and you might probably agree:
Within one day, This Guy i share a work cubicle with, majorly pissed me off, as in really, in my mind i must have rammed a fat stick into his teeth a hundred times! Then my pal at work had pissed me off since friday and we were still not on talking terms! I thought the whole thing was starting to get really childish. I mean, i was the one he pissed off, i was the one who should be receiving apologies and appeasing ice cream and donuts! Instead, he was zoning me off! It made the situation worse, because now i couldn't rant to him about my cubicle mate whom i was mad at! Do you see where i'm going?

Then a call from my dad pissed me off, then the parking attendants really pissed me off telling me that i have to find a new parking position (FYI i have been parking in that spot for over two years!). I concluded that i was having a really shitty day, but things would get better. But get this crowning making of matters worse.

I was driving home, then a guy on a bike (Okada in Naija Lingua!), runs into my car and dislodges my fender! That was just the height of it. In true Nigerian style, i blew my top and made a scene right there on the road. Well it shouldn't have been much of a scene if the guy would have just agreed with my simple suggestion. Which was: I seized his bike keys, returned to my car, gave him my office address and directed him to come the office the next day (i.e today) to foot the bill for fixing the car. Simple right? Now instead of agreeing, he himself got pissed and started making a scene!!What is wrong with all this people!!!I am the aggrieved party here! You have no right to be mad! You should be apologizing and trying to appease me!!But instead, two royally pissed off are screaming people on the road and gathering a crowd, until i (the sensible one)realize that my throat was starting to get sore from all the talking. So i pocket his keys, reverse and leave him screaming behind. Oh, he followed after me for a mile (because there was some traffic), but there was no way i was going to budge! I still have his keys right here on my desk as i write;) Anyway, that about ended my really rotten day. Its a brand new day, i should be calmer yeah? Except that i suspect i'm starting to see a repeat pattern! Oh god, talk about ground hogg day!

So, i put it to me that, i might just be the one with the problem here. Hence, i will begin walking on pins and needles. I will keep my mouth sealed. If anybody talks nonsense, i just plaster a smile. (Think Ally Mcbeal) Infact, i will keep that smile plastered all day long. I'm considering getting one of those costume party masks. Mine would be a large smiling face. Maybe that would help me get through the day.

Sunday, March 7, 2010


Grounded SuperHeroes.
*Input here* Long Stream of Russian Cursewords.

This is how I feel a lot of times these days.
*Input Here* Theme song for the moment when Clark Kent is racing to the telephone booth for his dramatic transformation into superman.

So, with my finely drawn up plans and lofty aspiration, I decide, ‘Ok, now is the time of change! Today begins the beginning of the rest of my life! Now I will make a difference! Now I will commence to safe the world! So I race into my own proverbial phone booth, ditch my starched office shirt, the straight tie, and change into my superhero attire! Then I step out and proudly beef up my chest! Haaa, the world awaits me now! I lift one hand towards the sky, raise an hind leg and make to take off, then…my music stops! What!!!
It’s as if a cranky director chose that spectacular moment to scream ‘CUT’! Putting a pause to the whole thing!
So there I am, ready to go, and nothing is happening! NOTHING!!!It’s Monday morning, and I’m still here!!
*Input here* Long Stream of Mexican Cursewords. What the h*ck is going on!!!

I happened upon a FB picture yesterday. I’m not sure what was going, but for some reason a couple of people had on matching superman tee-shirts. You know the classic blue with large red emblem. No pun intended, because I’m certain that the intentions were nobel, I just choose to base my frustrated thoughts this morning upon the scenario. Here goes: Oooh, I think it’s sickening! I don’t mean that as insulting. But the bible does say, ‘Hope deferred makes the heart sick”. There’s nothing worse than a grounded superhero! What is the point?! If you would choose to wear the cape, then you ought to fly; you ought to take off! Don’t remain walking on bare ground with us mere mortals.

So sick sick sick I am this morning! Groan***
I’m making an effort to literally quit complaining and b*tch&g about life. I’ve read to embrace the process, and *praise* your way through it. So I will restrict my few slip-ups to the unfortunate keyboard and blogspace that’s close enough to receive my discontent. Its sickening because…whyyyyy place eternity in the hearts of men and then have them grounded!

Just For Information Sake, prior to writing this, I’d decided last night to take a trip down memory lane. So I picked out my old wrting files. Yup, now you can see where this all steamed from. The old plans, the newspaper clippings on theater reviews, the corporate proposals with fat figures….basically, a catalogue of the good, the bad and ugly days gone past. Yes, it felt good to relive the good, but it stung as h*ll to see the finely drawn up plans, the intricate details and…*groan* they are really good plans that would fly! So problem is, I am not seeing the progress!!!
Instead…I’m taking a forlorn walk back to the phonebooth, ditching the superhero costume, and putting back on the cursed starched shirt and funky tie==Work begins in a moment.

*Oh and yeah, toss out the superman soundtrack tune. Instead play soundtrack for the t.v series “scrubs”. Singing: “I’M NO SUPERMAN!!!”

*Input here* Long Stream of Asian swearwords.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Imagine being really Super Intelligent

I'm just messing around here.
***Omar is a special patient in a psychiatric ward; Dr J is the new young Doctor assigned to him.***


Dr J: (She smiles) Faithless...ok, that's a start! Tell me more, please.

Omar: Like good bread you leave abandoned on a window sill.
He's briefly quiet, thoughtful.
After a few days, it starts to go hard, its none of the bread's fault. That's just nature.

Dr J (Nodds): And is that how you're feeling right now, faithless? Has life killed your hopes and dreams- Is that why you're here?

Omar: (Gets up and takes a short walk to the tiny window, the only source of light streaming into the padded cell) Humans, we like to simplify things, package it into neat formulars that we can analyse and handle. Life isn't always simple mathematics.

Dr J (Nodds): I agree with you.

Omar: No you don't.
(Flicks a hand) Whatever. I'm done talking.

Dr J:Come on Omar! A simple analogy on Faith, that's all we finally get after three months of silence?! I'm getting tired of this!

Omar: (Calmly) And you think i'm not? You manage a twenty minutes session everyday. Twenty minutes and you're done, plus you get a pay cheque at the end of it all. When you leave, i remain here staring at white walls.
(Returns a short glance her way) Who should really be tired? Tell them to release me; i want to go home.

Dr J: You know they're not letting you go until you satisfy them. They have their facts; they know what your mind is capable of and they won't let up. The fastest way to make this all end is to cooperate.

Omar: (Grunts) Either you're pretty dense for a psychologist or
(Laughs) -You- are faithless and think this whole thing is a daft waste of your time. The sooner i start talking, the quicker you can proof that i'm just another loonie and the better for you.
(Dons hands into pockets and walks slowly to her) Maybe i should give you a little demonstration, temper your curiosity a bit.
(Leans close to her face) What do you think?

Dr J (Folds arms above her chest and maintains a cynic expression): Please indulge me.

Omar: You're well read. Certainly, you're familiar of this fine introduction: The earth was without form and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit was hovering over the face of the waters. Then God said, Let there be light, and there was light.

Dr J: First book of Genesis. Go ahead.

Omar: Amazing uh? First there was nothing, like blank pages on a new notepad. There was nothing but a thought, then imagination, then words. Creativity creates everything.

Dr J: And the point is?

Omar: Da vinci, Ludwig van Beethovan, Micheal Jackson...the creative mind rules the world, and God certainly was a creative genius.

Dr J: (Dryly) I will do my best to be patient, assuming this isn't leading to another theological conclusion. I'm not a fan of spirituality.

Omar: Faithless. Blessed are them that have never seen, yet believe. Luckily, some things in life don't require the faith of a mountain, you only need to open your mind and see, then you will believe.
(Begins to walk slow circles around her)
The institute doesn't have half their facts right; their understanding is limited; there is no limitation to imagination, do you know what that implies?
(Picks tempo)
They think i'm some sort of genius- scientifically, politically...they think i possess enough intelligence to cause some sort national dramatic revolution.
(Dry laugh) Their naivety amuses me. Its like a child who finds a genie and starts to greedily think of all the chocolates he now has magical access to, when in reality, he can rule the world.

Dr J: So what, you're affirming that you're some sort of god?

Omar: Creativity is god, as far as your eyes can see.

Dr J: Talk, they say, is cheap. Show me proof.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Empire State of Mind: Arabian Nights

Memories of last night would forever remain etched in the loftiest halo of my mind. Recollections of its every moment would excite my thoughts every time I bring them to mind. And for the prude reader who is already itching for sex related information, you do need to get your mind out of the gutter! Although, someone recently described my writings as having sex with words! Good Lord!(Fans flustered face).

Last night, I and a few others were granted a rare privilege to witness the solemnization of a monarch's wedding. Go green with envy yes, but let me bask in the importance! The contracts restrict us from peddling details of the event, but one irony I can tactfully gloat of is that while our government made a public show of shame (as far as I am concerned)on the same foreign soil, we on the other hand humbly accepted few hours of unsolicited recognition within the glorious Saudi Palace.

The event was a private wedding of the King's Son. The very few invited guests were obviously people of notable importance and I won't stretch the truth any more than necessary by claiming to have received invite of such caliber. We only came in as part of the event coverage crew-of which you might say that our genre is rather unusual. I will explain. It's called imagery writing. What we do is, we paint pictures with words, just like Davinci, Omokpraiye, T.Y Bello and the like, except that instead of with paint brush, cameras or colors we do ours with a pen, paper and the gift of creative imagination. It’s like how ancient Egyptians had palace scribes to make journals of historic happenings, or an impassioned journalist would present live footage of events. We use a fusion of literal prowess and artistic opinion to present a finished work of an elaborate journal of a live experience. Incase this all sounds like gibberish to you, it’s a relatively new art form that’s still a long way from being widely accepted.

So we set up workshop in an advantaged veranda which over viewed the lush palace garden where the shindig happened. I tell you, love is sweet yes, but it is sheer bliss when celebrated in rich splendor. It is no news that in Lagos, we pride ourselves in fine wedding extravagance, but even the best of our intentions ought to take lessons from the Saudi Royals. Such as how Prince Abdul escorted his young bride with garlands of exotic roses hugging their bare footsteps, and their plain white linen apparel flowing freely in the fine midday breeze. If it were possible, I could have sworn those people had also paid for the glorious weather!

Like I’d said, I can't disclose much since they've purchased every write to my description of the event (it's complex legal stuff which even I don't understand!), I only seek to reminisce with these notes. I can however end this brief journey of nostalgia by sharing one imagery with you and we'll just keep it secret between me and you.

…As wonders abound the skies so did many fine moments and imagery color the couple's glorious day. And after all was said and done, just before Prince Abdul whisked away his Princess, they left us with one crowning eternal instant when they took center stage for the last dance of the night. Having witnessed the best of the Saudi cultures, it was as if America also came to pay homage as Stevie Wonder's timeless jazzy tune now took over the night. So with a background of the legendary Arabian night skies and right in the middle of an idyllic heaven of flowers and night scents, the two waltzed, dipped and swayed in response to Stevie's question : Isn't she lovely? And lovely indeed they both were….

Yours truly

Well writing for Saudi monarchs is dandy fine but I am still desirous to lend my pen to a taste of South Africa's amazingness, so if you've got contacts, link a brother up!

This is ONLY Empire State of Mind.