Burn out

I took this picture about two weeks ago in a moment of pride, joy...and something much deeper. It signified to me the achivement of a goal. It stood there as a testament to that timeless creed that 'all things are possible to them that dream, reach and have faith. It was not so much about the car, but the journies up that point, and hence I was going to put up a post about it, really as a sort of bookmark, for my own quiet acknowledgement. Then i remembered one Linda Ikeji post and wondered about  motives, so i scrapped the idea.

But i am tired today. It is 11pm, and this is usually the begining of the second part of my day. My usual routine is to take a short nap after work, then wake at 11pm and spend the rest of the night burning papers for two sets of pro.exams as well as compulsorily keeping abreast of Bloomberg and CNN. But today, o ti su mi. I'm looking at everything and wondering, what exactly am i doing? It's like i have suddenly understood the meaning of that rat race and the wicked cruelty in it all. You hop into that concourse and jugger along for...the rest of life?

I feel like i started this journey to prove a point - that i can come here and be bad mother shut your mouth awesome on two simple counts - faith and dogged perseverance. Which is really all we have...But what happens after you've got the t-shirt? I'd love to speak to Linda and ask what happens next after the 4x4? Do you reach for your towel and retire off the race, or do you clearly have to push on harder to carry on keeping up appearances. There is something sadly depressing about that idea. But maybe i wouldn't be thinking like this after a good night's rest...or maybe there is more to my cynic discontent, knowing that there should be more to life than all that i am wasting away on account of....