This is me:
I'm a guy with the big head who considers it...useful...to have a pretty girl(friend) to up your confidence game.
I have big dreams...and every step in my life has been in pursuit of making these dreams come true...and very many life altering decisions i have made.
Yet i find it a bleeding irony, because for all of the decisions,i feel all i have done is repeatedly altered my geographical location yet remaining in the same rut.....
Three years ago, I had coffe break looking out to third mainland bridge traffic trying to figure out what exactly i'm doing in this place. Today, I have coffee looking out over Canary wharf still thinking what exactly i'm doing with my life...it all makes zero sense. So i have concluded that work is just work. Lets just keep singing FML every morning, pay the bills, and get back to the drawing board to find the master-plan...or Master's plan...
I am a Christian....and here is the irony in that...There is a ridiculous order of priorities in my existence at the moment. I say a few seconds of prayer when i kick out of bed in the morning, do my devotions whilst taking a dump, and muse a rambling to God whilst commuting to work about how i hate my life. I wonder how xtain i am....but i think my heart is very earnest about the predominantely worship music on my ipod.
I am very introspective, hence very easily prone to stupid bouts of depression. But instead of getting all suicidal and sad, i just get sarcastic. And all these oyinbo people will be thinking s%&t is funny...until they see suicide note,then they will be saying, 'OMG, boy, you mean he was for real?' But nahhh....
I know pain like i know the lengths of the stretch marks at the back of my hand. I have screamed as the car collided into ours and the windscreens shattered...I have raced through traffic to the hospitals...I have made frantic calls home and felt helpless as my world crumbled a thousand miles seperating me from the reality of things...I have curled up as the pains returned. I have been under the doctor's instruments...I have fought for loved ones...I know pain like i know the lengths of the stretch marks. On account of these,i think he makes more grace abound. But i keep fearing that i have not seen the worse of things,so instead of living being thankful for the sun and the birds, i am sceptic that one day God will let the worst happen...This is not a pretty inspiring devotional page...this is life...like many of us have come to know...Pain happens, and Life must be beautiful still.
So dear boss, i'm sure by now you will agree, that it is a safer bet to just let me stick to the number charts and boring graphs that i am trained to do. All this talk about pictures and colors, just brings out the worst in me.
To end things on a cheerier note. Dear God, could you give me a really pretty, super adorable daughter. I promise to love and pamper her silly. And we'll both have a super sense of humour and watch intelligent youtube comedies and DefPoetry shows like Wyclef's immigrant...none of all these TONTO DIKE Sumthings!
