Saturday, August 21, 2010

The Memoirs of a Twenty Something Certfied Shrink

Introductions :Of Bulgarian Bathrooms and Veterinary Needles

21st August 2010

There used to be a bath tub on display in the furniture store just next to shoprite at the Palms shopping mall in lekki. Its not the regular type that you inset into a wall space; its one of those stand alone types. Sort of like the medieval wooden tubs, but this is made of modern shiny bathroom ceramic and sits on four handcrafted golden stands. It comes with a classic stand to affix your hand shower tubes and hold your soaps and things. A work of art for a certainly not too cushy price, and we were the two art lovers who would stop by daily during our mid-workday snack to spend thirty minutes oogling and coveting the beauty. Our plan – to possess it and have it sit right in the middle of our currently furniture-less living room, just waiting for a planned night of aromatic scents, colored candles and micheal bubble serenading in the background.

Well,we got the bathtub eventually; the night of aromatic scents, colored candles and micheal bubble certainly came to be all just as planned except for one missing vital piece – me! Well at least me not being in the bathtub as envisioned. There I was-fully clothed, watching the whole thing happen- every bit as sensual as we imagined- except with a livid me staring from the outside - shocked as hell.
The bloody bathtub cost four hundred and thirty five thousand nairas! Convert that to dollars and let your head spin. Yet nonetheless, we opened up a specific Stanbic IBTC Bank account for the purpose of purchasing that bathtub and its accessories. And for three months, we both had an allocated allowance that went into savings- yes, all for the bathtub (We are dead serious like that). I guess what we could have also been dead serious about was putting in fine print the obvious idea that this was a bathtub for TWO- i.e, man and woman, me and him, not him and her or him, me and her, or even her and her! I mean, I would have figured that anybody doesn’t need a soothsayer to interpret that when two people save to purchase something as intimate as a bathtub, its only expected by both parties (well maybe only the naïve woman, as I am finding out) that the two savees own exclusive right of usage to the property. I mean, who buys a bathtub for another woman to come and soak inside?!!!Ask my boyfriend J!

The apartment is in Parkview estate, that’s somewhere along Osborne, ikoyi. It’s a luxury block of flats and trust me, you don’t want to know how much that cost too. But that’s just the thing, all I can do these days is think of all of the cost that have been invested into this me and him business and the fact that we’d split every cost, fifty-fifty to make it happen. Car purchase- fifty-fifty, future in-laws weekend visits, fifty-fifty, Christmas vacations trips, fifty-fifty and the list goes on and on like that. Right down to my heart that I am staring at right now split into two equal halves, one part left soaking in the bathtub, and the other half in my hands not believing how my world is spinning to a bloody crash right now. All the while, I have been fair about this relationship, accepting this fifty-fifty business even when I could have imposed my right as a woman and negotiate say at least seventy-thirty, but look where its gotten me, I’m at the bloody short end of the stick!

I will attempt to put my indignation aside for now and skip you quickly to the present reality.

You would think that some clichés have been so long overplayed that they could never possibly play out in reality. But I guess even I should know better. I should have known better as I sauntered with casual enthusiasm down the hallway to room 401, our soon to be apartment. I carried a brown paper bag which held another bevy of bathroom accessories, a buying that had become my indulgence the past two weeks since when we finally purchased same dream Bulgarian bathtub. The bathtub did live up to its billing in that today it did indeed become a vital element of our story albeit however, to become probably the star attraction to the conclusion of our tale. Or better put, the star attraction of a R21 porn flick!

I keyed open the door that day, not expecting anybody to be home. J was supposed to be out of town. I would quickly drop the bathroom goodies and hurry back to the office. But J was not out of town, so Bulgarian bathtub was snidely telling me. There were small puddles of soapy water around the gold base stand and the room smelled extra nice. I picked up the scent of strawberry musk - I had bought those oils last week. I had probably also purchased the bath soaps which bubbled out of the water filling the tub. The two occupants within initially did not notice my presence. J was apparently naked and comfortably soaked inside the tub, his head thrown back and eyes closed. The reason for his enchanted reverie arose from the bubbles like an Egyptian goddess ascending from the river nile. Long hair, full breasts and envious legs one of which lifted up slowly as she stood tall and rested a right leg on the side of *moan* Bulgarian bathtub, then simultaneously thrusting the cleft of her hips into J’s face. He accepted the gesture with open palms, and that was when the paper bag dropped from my hands and clattered to the floor.


Hi People...

In short words,thats an intro from a little casual project i'll be indulging hence. To be privy to subsequent going-ons in Memoir, click here and Follow.
*Wink, you know you wanna* I promise, this time, i will be consistent! And ehmm, we'll discuss more on this later.


  1. First!

    Oh oh, the reality of the Bulgarian bathtub ended that fantasy of her and him. I wonder what will happen next...

  2. I like :)
    Looking forward to more.

  3. Okay o!

    I'm writing an open letter to u on my blog soon. You've started with these your sensual writings again abi?

    My fingers are crossed!


  4. How could she make the mistake? Nice writing though, will check it out.

  5. And yes!!!!! He's back. He's back. He's back. he's back, he's back, he's back. Yay!!! Tnotes is back. great post. can't wait for the next installment.

  6. you better finish this one because i am hooked

  7. okay! I read and read and wondered and wondered and wondered... thought yu had a guest blogger! ... erm! I'm hooked (I confess)!

  8. @YoungGrumbler: Hullo.All hail "First Thee"!lol!As per bathtub shenanigans,we'll just wait n find out uh??*wink*Thnx4 reading.

    @Zel: You like?Yayyyy!!!!

    @Jaycee: Hmmm!!!Stay hooked!!!Will update soon.

    @Musco: As i have commented b4,u'r in serious trouble o, this one that everything is sensual to u!!!All that happened was woman lifted leg in bathtub n u'r alarming sensual!!!Musco,u need madame closeby,serious!!!

    @Myne: Still waiting for u@memoirs. Thanx4 stopping by still.

  9. @YankeeNaija: Lol!!!Ok,too much applaud there o, what do i know!lol!N whiiine,u,u'r gone gone gone!Better get back ere pronto!Thanx Dear.

    @Lara: Yes Missus,will do best to!Thanx.

    @inStils:Coming from uuuuu-Candace Bushnell soon-to-be!That's def a "dance-around-in-circles" compliment!lol.Thanx Dear.

  10. This.. This was truly professionally creative..
    This is was too good..
    But then you are..